House Calls
by Major Mario
Summary: It takes a patient man to put up with all the colorful characters in the Smash Universe, especially when they come around with wounds and injuries from battles. Join Mario as he puts on his doctor's coat and does his best to help those in need of medical attention. Perhaps he'll even meet a few newcomers amongst the regulars!
1. Don't Try This At Home

"Alright Smashers, you gave it your all today and I appreciate your efforts and determination. I know custom matches are hit-or-miss most of the time, but everyone handled it well and without any poor sportsmanship. In fact, I'll be looking into those bomb-omb spawns as I'm sure there's a glitch in the system... In the meantime, rest and relax tonight and tomorrow until I get the matchmaking under control again."

The weary and exhausted fighters all whooped and sighed amongst themselves once Master Hand disappeared from the Smash Mansion's foyer. The day had been riddled with unique and custom matches that were subject to all sorts of crazy rules, and suffice to say it took its toll on the fighters. Original veterans casually remarked that absurd matches weren't all that abnormal while the newcomers looked as if they had just dodged a bullet. If dodging flaming explosives and hammers was to become the norm, there were quite a few fighters who were dreading the next battle.

But despite all their worries about flames, explosives, pointy objects and the dreaded hammer, they all had someone they could count on to patch them up.

"Hoo! Any more dodging and I woulda thrown out my back!" exclaimed a portly Italian man in red and blue. He patted the filth out from his gloves and raised his voice to cut through the multiple conversations going on around him. "Alright-a! Give me some time to unwind and I'll be in the clinic for awhile for those who need me."

"I think we'll be fine Mario," came the voice of Fox. "Kirby's the most banged up here, but I imagine after the evening meal he'll be better off than any of us here. Right buddy?"

"Hai!" Kirby squeaked despite the comical amount of bandages plastered over his pink body.

"Come on. Let's go see what's cooking. I could do with a great big steak right about now. Raw, even!"

Mario looked on as the rest of the fighters, both new and old, went their separate ways to unwind. He noticed a limp in Link's stride, fresh bruises on Shulk's skin and a few singed threads in Princess Peach's dress. Though the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom was skilled as a plumber and adventurer, he had a particular knack for sizing people up and figuring out what their weaknesses were as well as identifying what bothered them. This knack proved invaluable to him when he decided on a whim one day to take up white scrubs and try his hand at being a doctor. It wasn't until Master Hand gave in to Mario's requests was the portly plumber able to apply his new trade both on and off the battlefield.

After a few moments of looking after departing fighters and conversing with his brother, Mario returned to his room to relax, freshen up and eventually grab his doctor's coat.

* * *

That night Mario found himself restless and bored. He looked like the greatest, albeit shortest doctor to ever grace the front of any Nintendo title, save those plucky surgeons of Trauma Center, and he was sitting around with his feet up on a hospital bed and his rear end stuck in an office chair. The man fingered through the pages of a magazine and looked up at the clock every so often as if hoping something would happen before midnight came around and washed away his shift. Though he wasn't required to play doctor, Mario felt a sort of obligation to do something meaningful with his hands that didn't involve tossing fire or breaking bricks!

"Everyone must be resting," Mario mumbled to himself. He yawned and got up from his chair. "Well... Twenty minutes before midnight... I don't suppose anyone would mind if I tucked myself in earl-"

Just then the door to the clinic opened and revealed a tall, muscled man in armor. In the blue-haired man's arms was a smaller, finely-clothed blue-haired human. Small red tanks and infantrymen from Advance Wars scuttled inside after the pair. They stayed in the taller man's shadow like guilty children. Mario could tell from the stoic look on the tall man's face that this was the Radiant Hero, Ike, and that the person in his arms must be Lucina. There appeared to be something wrong if this group had come to him at this time of night.

"Hello doctor. Is it too late to receive medical treatment?" Ike asked. He glanced down at the red soldiers huddled around his feet. "We could really use the help."

"Uh-oh, what happened?" Mario moved over to Ike and stood on the tips of his toes to examine the woman in the hero's arms. "Why are little infantrymen and tanks here too?"

"We uh... We had an accident."

"_Īe, Aiku. Watashitachiha, hanketsu no keika o motte ita,_" Lucina muttered.

"Eh? Oh hello Marth!" Mario said with a chuckle. "I thoughta you were Lucina at first!"

Marth gave the good doctor an unamused look before his features contorted in pain. With Mario's guidance Ike placed his comrade on a bed and removed a few bits of royal clothing along the way.

"Marth got hit with shrapnel from a bullet. We were uh, fooling about when it happened."

"How on earth did that happen?" Mario asked.

"Ah, well, there's a funny story about that actually," Ike replied with a sheepish smile.

On closer inspection Mario was able to see a patch of fresh blood seeping through Marth's attire. Shrapnel, presumably from a bullet, had cut through the man's clothes and pierced his skin. Judging from the size of the wound and the lack of an exit wound, it was safe to say that the shrapnel was imbedded in Marth's skin. Mario and Ike went about removing Marth's clothing until they could see the wound without anything obstructing it. Thankfully the wound was on the right side of Marth's chest near his shoulder and not anywhere near his heart.

"Mama-mia, this looks painful... So what's the story Ike?"

"_Watashitachiha, hadena bushidearu koto o kokoromita,_" Marth explained.

"Yeah, that's right. Like Marth said, we had a lapse of judgement and decided to try out a technique from a movie. We were watching this movie about a samurai who was so skilled with his blade that he was able to cut projectiles in half before they could hit him." Ike looked down to the Advance Wars infantrymen and tanks huddled around his feet. "Marth and I wanted to see if we could do that here, so we asked some of the AW soldiers if they could help us out. Of course they knew better than us, but we persuaded them."

"Don't most action movies have warnings about not trying dangerous things at home?" Mario asked as he shined a flashlight on Marth's wound. "Did you two do any drinking before this?"

Ike and Marth shook their heads for a moment before giving in and nodding, albeit begrudgingly.

"A little... Maybe just a pint." Ike chuckled and rubbed the nape of his neck. "We're not drunk if you're wondering. Anyway, after we got a few soldiers to help out, Marth decided he wanted to be the first to go. He cut three bullets in half before the fourth one shattered on his blade and put a chunk in his shoulder."

"_Sore wa odorokubeki monodatta yō ni soreha, orokadatta!_" Marth exclaimed with a grin. Ike concurred enough to pat his comrade on the shoulder, which only enticed a yelp of pain. "_Itai! Baka!_"

"Don't worry about Marth everyone," Mario said to the company of little infantrymen and tanks nearby. "You all should go and rest. Just don't let them talk you into any crazy stunts, okay?"

The little reddish-orange military sprites saluted and scuttled out of the clinic. Though most characters were superhuman in some way, they still got wounded from time to time. Mario, after he was finished discerning where the shrapnel was, reached for a pair of tweezers and grasped Marth's shoulder to steady himself. He piloted the tweezers down and grabbed the piece of shrapnel without much difficulty. The doctor pulled the shrapnel out from the swordsman's shoulder and deposited it in a nearby tray.

"There we go, bad bits are out!" Mario chirped. He produced a wet swab and some alcohol next. "Time to clean the wound now. This may sting a little, then it's time for stitches!"

"_Dono yō ni shite, Aiku ga fushō shinai akinai kuru?_" Marth asked before cringing as he felt Mario rub alcohol into his wound.

"How come I don't get wounded? Well, I've got a high defense stat," Ike replied. He looked to the Italian man in scrubs. "Thank you Mario. It's good to have a doctor around who's willing to put up with foolish men like us."

"_Hai, arigatō!_"

"Prego my friends! You're welcome, but there's no need to thank me," Mario replied with a bright smile. He tapped the mirror on his forehead. "It is my job!"

* * *

**Author's Note:** This here will start off a new series for me. I want to explore some of these characters and rely on some good humor every now and then, but I want to do it from Dr. Mario's perspective. And yes, this Mario and Dr. Mario are one in the same. Please read and review, and if you have any ideas for Mario's patients as well as what ails them, don't be afraid to shoot me something. I may not reply to every comment/review, but I do read them all!

\- Marth Translations -

1\. "No, Ike. We had a lapse of judgement."

2\. "We tried being fancy samurai."

3\. "It was as foolish as it was amazing!" / "Ouch! Idiot!"

4\. "Why is it that you don't get wounded, Ike?"

5\. "Yes, thanks!"


	2. Burn Ward

"Isn't this great Samus? We're like the two most agile fighters here and we're on the same team!" Pit could hardly contain his excitement as he waited with the blonde-haired bounty hunter. "Oh this is gonna be so cool! We'll be like two peas in the hand; worth a lot more than any golden goose, right Samus?"

"Uh-huh, yeah, sure," Samus muttered. She played with a few values on her paralyzer before casting a calm and determined look Pit's way. "I'm ready. You'd better be too."

"Ready? Uh, yeah! I'm ready, but shouldn't we come up with some kind of game plan?"

"We'll be fighting two others who are unknown to us at the moment. There's no use in planning for something like that. Just keep your head in the game and stay quick on your feet," Samus replied. She jabbed a finger at Pit. "Above all else, pull your own weight and don't get yourself knocked out."

The angel gulped and looked down at his feet. The two brawlers, Pit and Samus in her zero suit, were called upon to fight together in a team battle that day. Pit was his usual self; enthusiastic, chipper and eager to prove his worth to both the rest of the smashers and his goddess. Samus was anything but chipper, yet the woman was more determined than most fighters. Her cold demeanor put many fighters on the defensive, and though her professional attitude threw Pit off a bit, she could tell that he would do his best out there on the battlefield.

"The match will begin in thirty seconds!" came the voice of the announcer. "Red team is ready! Blue team, please proceed to the teleporters!"

Pit whirled around and looked for his teleporter. The Smash Mansion's sublevels contained all the nuts and bolts for the main events, including but not limited to training rooms, personal Sandbag pummeling areas and teleporters for those about to fight. The angel jumped onto his teleporter and couldn't help but grin when his sandals clunked against the cold metal exterior of such an advanced piece of technology. He pulled out his bladed bow and plucked the string before looking over to Samus.

"Hey! Good luck out there! Let's show 'em what blue team can do!"

The Metroid hunter only glared back at him before the teleporters sparked to life and whisked the two away to the Battlefield stage. It was a simple and small stage that offered a lot of room for agile fighters to move around. However, because it was so small, large and powerful fighters could easily control the flow of battle. Two distinct roars from nearby ran shivers up Pit's spine.

There in the distance were the two fighters of red team, Bowser and Charizard. Embers fizzled around their maws while their clawed hands were poised and ready for the fight ahead. Despite their intimidating size and raw power, Pit had every bit of confidence in himself and Samus. Plus, if Bowser or Charizard should use their flames against him, the angel could protect himself without any trouble. Why, the match was practically won already!

"Three, two, one... Go!"

* * *

"I should have some around here somewhere. Let's see... Ah! Here we go!"

Mario reached into his medicine cabinet and pulled out a large bottle of aspirin. Though his megavitamin pills, a trade secret, were able to fix a lot of common illnesses and leave a fighter feeling better than they were before, nothing could quite compare to the tried and true pain relief that aspirin provided. The Italian man produced a smaller pill bottle and fed a dozen aspirin into it before capping it up and handing it off to a grey-skinned woman in yoga attire.

"I shouldn't have to tell you anything about how to be well. You know all the tricks!"

"Yep! But there's only so much a person can do on their own." The Wii Fit Trainer pocketed her aspirin and rubbed her head. "Medicine can do so much for one's body and wellness. In fact, besides the pain-relieving qualities, aspirin is very effective at thinning the blood and reducing the risks of heart attack and strokes."

"Hmm! I didn't know about the strokes!" Mario replied as he reached back into the medicine cabinet and looked over the aspirin. He made a mental note to procure some more pills. "How is your headache now, Trainer?"

The woman rubbed her temples next and took a few deep breaths before flashing the doctor a thumbs-up.

"Still a little woozy, but I'll be fine. I didn't expect you to headbutt the ball back at me!"

Mario let loose a hearty laugh and touched his forehead where a tiny welt had formed. He turned back to the trainer and clasped his hands together, signaling that he had done his job.

"I'm surprised I did that myself! I should have used my cape, but I must have been reminded of my striker days... Ah, anyway, take two aspirin a day and in a few days you should be okie-dokie."

"Thanks Mario. I'll return the bottle when I'm finished." The Wii Fit Trainer saw herself out of the clinic only to peer back in from the doorway. "You know, you could do with a little more jogging every now and then."

Before Mario could offer a few words in his defense, the trainer had vanished. The portly plumber couldn't help but feel put off by that comment as he had tried in the past to lose a bit of weight here and there. His original profession as a carpenter didn't offer much room to be active, but when he became a plumber and began to embark on adventures within and beyond the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario was about as active as a sports star. But despite all his running, jumping and smashing the man just couldn't lose that potbelly of his.

"More jogging? I'm as healthy as a Yoshi!" Mario exclaimed, baffled.

But like the easygoing man he was, Mario shrugged and let it go like water off a duck's back. Almost nothing got under his skin. He held no grudges, no vendettas, and no delusions of grandeur either!

"As for me, I should do something different today instead of sports. Hmm, what would Luigi do?" Mario asked himself as he began to tidy up his clinic. He sorted his megavitamins out along with various medical instruments. "Reading? No no, not very interesting... Unless it's a cookbook, heeheehee! Ah, I'll figure out something to do."

And figure out something he did. After a half-hour of doing inventories and cleaning, the door to the clinic opened up and in stepped Samus Aran in her zero suit. Mario was about to ask what she needed when he noticed that the woman was leading a charred angel inside along with her. It was confusing to see the two of them together at this time of day, seeing as Samus and Pit were supposed to be participating in team battles at the moment, but Mario understood that this was a medical emergency. Master Hand must have postponed the battles for awhile, at least until any injuries or wounds had healed.

"B-by the sacred treasures... I c-can still feel the burning!" Pit cried as he shambled along after Samus.

"Come on, come on, it's not that bad; you'll be fine," Samus reassured the angel. She approached Mario and presented Pit before him. "Doctor? Pit could really use your help."

It didn't take long for Mario to figure out what was wrong with Pit. He had noticed the smell of burnt clothing and skin, more so the former than the latter, but seeing the inflamed skin and charred angel wings made it clear that Pit had suffered quite a bit from flames. The doctor took Pit aside and sat him down on a hospital gurney to examine him a little more.

"Hmm... Looks like second-degree burns to me." Mario looked over to Samus. "You two were battling today, yes? What happened?"

"Lots and lots of fire," Pit whimpered. His wings were tightly folded against his back as if he was putting pressure on his own wounds. "Ow ow ow ow ow!"

"We were fighting Bowser and Charizard today," Samus explained. "At one point Pit got between them and they unleashed their fire breath at the same time."

Mario nodded in understanding. Having fought Bowser so many times he could identify the wounds left behind by his fire breath and knew that it was vital to clean things up right away. He went over to his desk and snapped on a pair of vinyl gloves before skipping over to a sink to procure a basin of water. He could hear Pit's whimpers of pain and had to remind himself that the angel had had much worse before. Once the basin of water was all set, the doctor moved over to the gurney and looked up to the angel.

"Alrighta. Pit, do you think you can manage to take off some of your clothes? Just your tunic and upper body for now, okay?" As Pit struggled yet managed to do just that, Mario looked over to Samus. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed her lingering near the doorway. "You're-a-gonna go so soon?"

"Yeah, I have to. The battle's been postponed but not for long. Blue team will be down a fighter, but I'm going to go see if Master Hand will let me switch into my power suit to make up for it." She looked over to Pit and actually smiled for once. Granted it was a simple sympathetic gesture, but it was a smile nonetheless. "Hey. When I beat those two I'll come back and see if there's anything I can do to help you out."

Samus left soon after and closed the clinic door behind her. Once she was gone Pit breathed a sigh of relief only to cringe in agony as Mario began to rinse his burned skin.

"Augh! What are you doing Mario?"

"I'm-a rinsing the burned areas until the pain stops," Mario explained. He cupped his hands and poured some water down the angel's back. "Don't-a worry, I'm a doctor!"

"Y-you know, when I first saw you in that coat I thought you were just wearing a costume," Pit said. "I didn't think you were a real doctor!"

"Oh yeah! I'm a real certified doctor alright. First I was a carpenter ya know." Mario moved his hands over the burn wounds and continued to lather them up with cool water. Though Pit hissed every now and then, eventually the frequency of his cries of agony died down. "So, how was fighting with Samus?"

"She's kind of scary, actually. All that hurty-looking equipment she has makes me not want to fight her one-on-one!"

"She's always prepared for anything. She's probably got more combat experience than any of the Fire Emblem characters," Mario surmised. "However, she's not the best at working with others. The only fighters she seems to work well with are Pikachu and Snake from the last Smash Brothers."

Pit nodded and mumbled in agreement. The bounty hunter had a lone-wolf kind of mindset and did her best work while alone. It seemed to the angel that he had just been an inconvenience to her in the previous battle. Yet Pit was quick to reassure himself that Samus probably had put her faith in him and believed that he could handle himself out there. Just because a teammate didn't stick by you didn't mean they didn't believe in you, Pit thought with a smile.

Once a few minutes had passed in relative silence and Pit's burned skin stopped flaring up, Mario nudged his wings and tried to get them to unfold. The magnificent angel wings, once a blinding white color, were now a light grey from the flames and soot. Mario could see that some feathers had been burned completely and exposed the vulnerable skin beneath. Out of all the places Pit had been burned, it seemed that the wings received the brunt of two infernos.

"H-hey Mario, I gotta ask you something," Pit said with a hiss of pain when he felt the doctor's hands on his wings. "How do you deal with fighting Princess Peach in a battle?"

"Hmm? I'm afraid I don't understand the question Pit," Mario replied.

"I mean, Lady Palutena is participating in this Smash Brothers tournament, and Princess Peach joined the melee way before she did."

"Oh I get it." Mario chuckled and finished up on Pit's wings before grabbing some soap and mixing it in with the water. He took a soft sponge and lathered up the angel's inflamed skin to clean the burns. "You're wondering how I deal with fighting Peachie when I'm supposed to keep her safe and sound, yes?"

"Yeah, yeah! I'm practically Lady Palutena's right-hand man as well as the captain of her royal bodyguards. She's like a mother to me too, and I'm not sure how I can go out there and fight her."

"Didn't you fight her before in your own universe?"

"I did? Oh, yeah, I forgot. B-but that was because she was under a dark influence. This time it feels like I'm attacking her for no good reason other than entertainment or training, and even then, I don't like the idea of hurting Lady Palutena."

Mario continued to clean the angel's burns and soon moved to the more sensitive parts of the wings. When he touched a sore spot Pit flinched in reflex and smacked Mario's nose with the tip of his wing. The poor doctor couldn't help but sneeze in response.

"Ooh! Sorry, my bad."

"It's alright. But I know what you mean Pit. I thought the same way when Peachie joined up in Melee." Mario rubbed his nose and pulled his mustache before getting back to cleaning. "You just gotta put it behind you. Think of Palutena as just another fighter and don't hold back on her."

"Just another fighter? She's the Goddess of light!"

"So?" Mario cut in with a shrug of his shoulders. "Princess Peach is the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom, but I don't hesitate to toss fire her way in a battle. Same way with my brother. I believe it's respectful to treat them like anyone else. That way they know that I won't go easy on them, so they don't feel like they're being patronized."

"Huh... I never thought of it like that Mario. I guess Lady Palutena would get annoyed if I didn't fight her." Pit grinned sheepishly and snapped his fingers. "Plus, Viridi would never let me hear the end of it. Alright, I'll go after her like I'll go after Link then!"

"That's the spirit Pit! Now hold on while I go and get the burn ointment." The merry doctor turned on his heel and went to his medicine cabinet once again. "You may have to not use your wings for awhile. I'll have to bandage them up so the wounds don't get infected, but you'll be able to move normally."

As Mario returned to Pit with ointment and gauze in hand, he noticed a darker copy of the angel lingering in the clinic doorway. Though the doctor wasn't the least bit annoyed at seeing Dark Pit around, Pit was a completely different story. He turned and shot his dark counterpart a look of sheer terror, like that of a deer caught in the headlights of a truck.

"What's the matter Kid Icarus? Fly a little too close to the sun?" Dark Pit said with a sneer and a chuckle.

"Aw come on, don't call me that," Pit whined.

To Pit's chagrin, he heard a good-hearted laugh from Mario in response. Must be Pick-On-Pit Day, the angel thought as he buried his embarrassed face in his hands.


	3. Ganondorf's Debt

For a moment, all seemed to be well and good in the Smash Mansion. Dr. Mario had been busy tending to the smashers and their petty problems like minor wounds and cuts, and while he helped them out as much as he was able, the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom wanted nothing more than a break in the action to tend to himself for once. The man had a few rough nights where he couldn't get any sleep and when he had to get up early to participate in battles, Mario could barely keep up with the others. He soldiered on the best that he could though and got in as many naps as he was able.

His stomach rumbled as he sat at his desk.

"Whata time is it?" Mario grumbled. He looked up from his paperwork and to a clock sitting on the wall nearby. "Wait a minute... Is that- Oh no! I missed dinnertime!"

Now, there were many things that Mario loved in the world. Food just so happened to be one of them. He would eat raw mushrooms, stews, breads and pastries, treats of all shapes and sizes, foreign food and above all else, pasta. The man loved pasta like he loved breathing! To miss a chance at grabbing the most delectable of foods was to commit an unspeakable atrocity in Mario's eyes. The poor man grasped his head in both hands and smothered his forehead on the surface of his desk.

But, as per Smash Brothers tradition when things aren't going one's way, fate was kind to Mario. He heard the door open and before he could ask who it was, he smelled it. That sweet, rich aroma tickled his nose and washed away all the stress and aches he had in him. Mario looked up as if he was in a daze and sniffed around, eager to find out where the aroma was coming from. If there was ever a villain who decided to use food as bait, why, Mario would be as gullible as a con man in love. Once he caught sight of where the scent was coming from, his breath hitched in his throat.

There it was... The most wonderfully put together plate of pasta, and it was right there for the taking. Mario's mouth watered as he took in every detail, every splash of marinara sauce and every fine fiber of pasta that poked out from the delicious dish. Next he noticed who was holding the plate and almost teared up. Standing a few inches taller than him and in his usual green clothes was Luigi, the doctor's wonderful brother.

"Heya bro! I noticed you didn't show up for dinner, so I came around to give y-"

"Oh Luigi, you are the bestest brother who ever lived," Mario choked out. He sniveled and wiped his eyes. "I'd be... Ho... I can't even say it..."

"Uh-oh. You're getting emotional!" Luigi laughed and set the plate of pasta down in front of his brother. "You must have skipped lunch!"

"It's-a been a hell of a day, Luigi. I had to tend to Pokemon and the Duck Hunt duo many times today! I'm-a human doctor, not a Pokemon nurse or veterinarian!"

"Well why don't you take a break? Here, have a fork and napkin and just sit back and enjoy yourself!"

"Okie-dokie, I think I will!" Mario picked up the fork and napkin as if he was at a fine restaurant. "Thank you so much again. I owe you one, brother."

Luigi scratched his nose and brushed it off.

"Ah don't-a worry about it Mario. You deserve a little bit of r-"

"You there, plumber brothers," came a deep, dark voice. "Your assistance is required and I will not take no for an answer."

The brothers tensed up and were about to drop into fighting stances when they noticed the character standing there in the clinic. Tall, dark, not very handsome but exuding power and malice, there was Ganondorf in all his wretched glory. Cloaked in armor and brandishing a grim scowl, Ganondorf was the very essence of evil and darkness. His might was something to fear and his scheming mind worked tirelessly to exploit the weaknesses of his enemies. And yet, the sight of such a powerful character was marred when five brightly colored Lumas clung to his armor and legs.

Ganondorf was anything but amused when one Luma tried to play with his beard. He raised his hand and looked as if he wanted to backhand the little creature, but he curled his fingers into a fist and growled as something held him back. Honor, maybe.

"What are you doing with Rosalina's Lumas Mr. Ganondorf?" Luigi asked. He scooted back to stand with his brother. "Did you kidnap them?"

"Me? Kidnap a gaggle of sentient star children who exist only to annoy others? Do not flatter yourself with that idea, whelp. I am here b-" Ganondorf was cut off when a Luma patted his cheek and cooed. He bared his teeth and growled it away. "Rrr... I am here because of a bet, and I am honorbound to do my part in repaying it. That is why I have been reduced to helping the guardian of the cosmos with her... children."

"Huh? Then why are you here?" Mario asked.

"These creatures suffer from the smallest of cuts and scrapes, and it was my doing. As I had been defeated by the guardian Rosalina, and after having made a bet with her prior to the battle, I am required to tend to these injuries." Ganondorf grasped a green Luma in his hands and looked down his nose at it. "But I am the Lord of Evil, not a medicine man!"

Neither Mario or Luigi knew what to make of the situation. Granted, it was comical to see a villain defeated by someone new or unique, like Rosalina, but the aftermath wasn't pretty. Ganondorf was at least honorable enough to uphold his end of this bet, whatever it was. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to leave him to care for cute and cuddly little Lumas who were far too innocent to realize that their caretaker ate baby chicks for breakfast.

Looking down at his plate of pasta, Mario made up his mind and decided he wouldn't budge.

"This is the first and finest plate of pasta I have seen all day. I am going to eat this and I am going to enjoy it," Mario declared. He was hungry and nothing would get between him and his pasta. "You will have to wait, Ganondorf."

"I am not going to wait with these infernal creatures nipping at my armor!" Ganondorf bellowed.

"Woah-woah-woah hold on you two," Luigi interjected as he found the courage to speak up. "M-maybe I could help? Mario can sit back and relax for awhile while I help Mr. Ganondorf with the Lumas! It's only a few cuts and scrapes right? Shouldn't be too hard to manage..."

Though Luigi was known as the cowardly brother of the Mario Brothers, he had long since learned to stand up for himself. He had learned many things from his older brother in the years prior and even picked up a few new skills. He wasn't a certified doctor like Mario, but Luigi knew how to tend to injuries and wounds without relying on tried and true shortcuts like super mushrooms. The lean man in green took the green Luma from Ganondorf's hands and directed the evil lord to a hospital bed where they could sit and work.

The Lumas were a handful for both of them. Despite their cuts and scrapes, the little celestial beings were as immature as children and as flighty as squirrelson a sugar rush. Ganondorf had little patience to deal with any of them, but after being reminded of his debt by the Mario Brothers, he grumbled and did what he could to keep the Lumas still without crushing them. He held a few down while Luigi cleaned the cuts and scrapes, applied disinfectant and then bandaged them up. At times the lord of evil would be prompted by Luigi to apply a bandage, and though Ganondorf did so, caring for someone other than him left a rotten taste in his mouth.

"Hey little guy, how ya doin'?" Luigi asked a little apricot-colored Luma that had yet to be treated. He reached up to tickle its side. "You must have helped out Rosalina a bunch, huh? You certainly helped out my brother and I a while ago!"

"These little creatures actually have value besides being organic projectiles?" Ganondorf asked.

"Oh yeah! If you feed them enough star bits they can become planets of all shapes and sizes!"

"What a wonderful metaphor for raising children."

"Mhmm!" Luigi concurred, not catching the sarcasm in Ganondorf's tone. He held the apricot Luma still as the dark lord dabbed at a cut. "So Mr. Ganondorf, what do you make of the newcomers in this tournament?"

"Hmph. Most of these newcomers are pushovers and mere lambs to the slaughter. One tried to attack me by growing a tree under my feet. A tree, for Din's sake!" Ganondorf rubbed his chin in thought. "Though... I will say that the two tacticians will pose a challenge, as will that boy with the scarlet blade."

"Shulk and the two Robins?" Mario asked as he looked up from his plate. "They both seem to be very interesting smashers. I'm happy that Pacman and Megaman are participating! Luigi and I haven't seen them since college!"

"Pacman put on a little weight, but he still looks as cheery as ever! Oh, bro? You've got a bit of sauce in your mustache," Luigi pointed out.

As Mario went about tidying himself up, the dark lord sat still for a moment in thought.

"Yes... I had forgotten about those two icons. I would do well to not underestimate them based on their appearance. I had made that mistake far too many times in the past," he grumbled. He slapped a bandage onto the last Luma and looked it up and down. "This is acceptable. Is it not?"

"Hmm... No, that looks good to me! Good work Mr. Ganondorf," Luigi praised.

"Yes, good work!" Mario exclaimed. He stood up from his seat with an empty plate in his hands and a full belly, along with a happy smile on his face. "Rosalina would be very happy to know her Lumas have been taken good care of!"

Ganondorf grumbled and let go of the apricot Luma. He wasn't too big on receiving praise for good deeds. Like Bowser, he would rather be praised for being selfish or bad in some way. He shook his head, shrugged his shoulders and folded his arms.

"Bah. I repaid a trivial debt. Nothing more," he muttered with indignance.

"And I am grateful for it," Rosalina cooed as she entered the clinic. Her brilliant blue dress trailed behind her as she walked over to her star children. "Everyone looks just fine. You have done them a service that will not be soon forgotten, Ganondorf."

The guardian of the cosmos opened her arms wide to receive the Luma quintet. All of the Lumas flocked to her and gave her hugs with their little stubby arms, all the while cooing and babbling. The Mario Brothers smiled as they looked upon Rosalina and her Lumas doing much better. Even Ganondorf looked a little less grumpier than usual, though he would probably pummel the unfortunate smasher who suggested he smiled that day. All in all, it was a good day in the end for all, both good-hearted heroes and cruel villains!


	4. Boys Will Be Boys

"Are you sure you'll be alright out there? I don't want to find out that you lost all your gear and had to find shelter in a creepy cabin!"

"Oh don't worry Nana, we'll be fine! We're all adventurers and outdoorsmen here!"

Nana, the heart of the Ice Climbers duo, reluctantly stood down as Popo reassured her. It was the weekend at the Smash Mansion and many of the fighters were off doing their own thing. Some liked to visit the nearby city or family while others stayed at the mansion to train or spar with willing partners. For Popo, he had the grand idea to pack up camping equipment and spend the weekend in the woods with a few close friends. There was Toon Link, Ness, the male Villager, and even Lucas. This whole camping trip, in fact, was organized to celebrate Lucas' return, as all the boys were overjoyed to see him back.

Though Popo and Nana were not participating in this year's tournament, they stopped by every now and then to catch up with old friends.

"Status report! Toony, no problems with the tent?"

"Tent and sleeping bags are primed and ready!" Toon Link exclaimed with gusto.

"I got the axe, fishing rods and bug nets!" the male Villager cheered. "I even brought a shovel in case we find something cool!"

"I-I have the m-map and compass, and other things," Lucas said as he struggled with his backpack.

"Okay! And I've got the water and food," Ness added with a nod of his head.

Popo clapped his hands and pointed to the woods beyond the Smash Mansion. His antics went unappreciated by Nana and the female Villager who stood nearby to make sure they all were really ready for the woods. Though everyone was happy to see Lucas return, it was Popo and Toon Link's idea to gather all the boys to celebrate out in the woods. And, seeing as they were boys, that meant no girls allowed. It was nothing personal of course. Boys will be boys!

"Alright everyone! Let's move out!" Popo ordered. With a wave of his hand the group began to make their way down a forest trail. "So long you two! We'll be back Monday morning!"

With a hearty whoop and the beginnings of a scout song the boys trudged down the forest trail and soon dipped out of sight. Nana sighed and looked after them, tempted to follow them along just to make sure they would be alright. She noticed the pink-haired Villager next to her and took comfort in her usual bright smile. Like many characters from Animal Crossing, the female Villager was no stranger to seeing good friends go away for awhile. She patted Nana's shoulder and turned her away to head back into the mansion.

"They'll be fine. Uno knows how to handle himself out in the woods, and I'm certain everyone else does too. The only thing they'll have to worry about is the weather, but if they're smart, they'll camp often," the female Villager, Hoa, replied.

"I guess you're right," Nana agreed. "Plus, if they run into any wolves, Ness or Lucas could scare them off with their PK powers."

"Aye, that's the spirit! You just gotta keep thinking positive." Hoa shrugged her shoulders. "I mean seriously... These are five stubborn boys who know how to handle themselves in the great outdoors. What could possibly go wrong?"

* * *

"Hmm... Poison ivy, splinters, insect bites, bee stings and terrible colds..." Dr. Mario looked down from his checklist and to the five boys occupying a bench in his clinic. "Looks like you boys had plenty of fun!"

Yes, what could possibly go wrong did in fact, go wrong. After the weekend was over and Monday morning rolled along, Nana and Hoa found the boys trudging back up to the Smash Mansion with mud up to their knees, bites and rashes over their skin and a distinctive lack of equipment. They looked like they had just been through hell and back instead of having gone on a lovely camping trip. It appeared that the boys had suffered too many setbacks out in the woods and got themselves lost while losing bits and pieces of valuable equipment. It was a relief that they managed to get back to the mansion at all!

Every boy gathered had something wrong with them from Toon Link's cold to Uno's stung face. Only Lucas seemed the most well-off out of the bunch with just a mild poison ivy rash.

"I'm afraid most of you will have to miss out on smash battles for a few days, at least until you're all better," Mario explained. He looked over to Lucas and Popo. "I don't-a want to keep any of you waiting for me, so... Lucas? Popo? Why don't you both go and take a nice warm bath and put on some clean clothes? The oil sticks well to clothes and skin, so wash well and come back."

"Ugh... I think I got a cold too," Popo whined as he sat up with Lucas. Both couldn't fight the urge to itch. "Nana's going to give me a stern talking to when I see her again."

As Popo and Lucas scampered off to take a bath, Uno the Villager looked to the others and groveled.

"I'm sorry guys, I didn't know about the beehives and insect nests."

"You didn't even hear the buzzing, did you?" Toon Link asked before sneezing. "Th-that was the first thing I noticed when we set up camp..."

"I just thought that someone was hungry, or that mosquitos were around! I'm not in Animal Village, so who was I to know what kinds of bugs there were around here?"

"True, true, but that didn't mean you had to pocket the beehive!" Ness shouted. He too was covered in stings and bites. "You brought a husk of destruction along. Didn't that seem like a terrible idea to you?"

"Hey! I thought it was empty after the first barrage! I was going to take it and sell it off to get some medicine!" Uno said in his defense.

"Well, it didn't work out now, did it?" Toon Link retorted.

Mario took the opportunity to step in.

"Boys, boys! Passing blame won't-a help anybody," he interjected with a comforting tone of voice. He clasped his hands together and looked over to Toon Link. "You should go and take a bath as well. With all that dirt on you I can't figure out if it's only a cold or something else."

The hero of the seas sneezed again and got up from the bench. When he went off, both Ness and the Villager glared at the doctor.

"Hey! Why do they get to go clean up before us?" Ness asked.

"Ah, well, their problems are minor compared to yours. Toon Link has splinters in his skin, but a good bath will help him out with that cold, along with some rest. As for you two, I want to make sure no stingers are left in either of you!" The portly plumber/doctor flicked on a small flashlight to examine Ness and Uno. "When were you stung?"

"I think it was... Sunday morning?" Uno wondered aloud as he looked over to Ness for confirmation. "Yeah, that, then the afternoon when they started coming out of my pockets."

"So it's been more than 24 hours since you both were last stung..." Mario rubbed his chin and hummed in thought. He turned off his flashlight and stood up straight. "I see you tried your hand at first aid. Not the best work, but every little bit counts. Let's-a-go and see what I can do for you."

Mario went off to his medicine cabinet and took out a pair of tweezers, a roll of bandages, some ointment and antibiotic cream. He glanced over his shoulder at Ness and Uno and took notice of how uncomfortable they looked before reaching back into the cabinet and pulling out a few antihistamines for the itching. A part of Mario liked taking care of children. Working in the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario had to take care of a few Toad children and found that he enjoyed every minute of it. Though impatient and somewhat annoying at times, they were very grateful for everything that was handed to them.

The doctor came back with his supplies and worked the two boys over with his tweezers getting stingers out. How on earth these boys managed to walk around with barbs in their arms and stingers in their necks was incredible. Luigi could hardly stand having a hangnail and yet these boys were sitting there without a problem. Well, of course they flinched, cringed and cried out when Mario pulled out a few thorns and the like, but on the whole they were troopers.

"I miss instant-use medicine packets!" Uno cried as Mario plucked stingers out of his cheeks.

"And I miss having PSI healing!" Ness added as he too went through the same torture.

"I'm not allowed to have rayguns in the clinic after last year's Franklin Badge incident," Mario reminded them. "And even then, I doubt I would shoot one of my patients, even if it had the potential to heal them."

"Oh! That's right!" Uno snapped his fingers and looked over to Ness. "The Hypoquatic Oath for doctors!"

"It's the Hippocratic Oath, dingus," Ness corrected. "It means doctors cannot harm their patients, and th- Hey wait a minute!"

Mario had already started on giving Uno his medicine and bandaging him up. He looked up from his work and to Ness with a confused, sheepish smile. Oh boy, this was going to be fun.

"If doctors are supposed to 'do no harm', how come you're fighting all of us, Mario?"

"Well my boy, it's quite simple." Mario stood up straight, clicked his heels together and tweezed his mustache. He smiled, though to Ness and Uno, it was an unnerving one. "You see, I do no harm here, but in Smash Brothers... Anything goes!"

The boys gulped at that and toned their complaints and groans down for the remainder of their visit. Toon Link, Popo and Lucas soon returned and received their own doses of medication for colds and poison ivy while Ness and Uno were covered up in bandages and given antihistamines. Pretty soon the boys were looking much better, though in need of some rest and perhaps a lecture. Mario wasn't the type to give the boys the latter. He knew that Nana and Hoa, the other Villager, were going to do that job for him!


	5. Break a Leg, Sonic!

"Now now, there's no need to be so hard on yourself. He'll be just fine."

"In your care, yeah, I know that doc, but I still feel plenty guilty."

The portly plumber in white packed a doctor's bag full with gauze, stockinettes, padding, fiberglass material and other casting supplies. Though most of the smashers enjoyed taking it easy when they had free time, there were those who trained to no end. The Fire Emblem characters, Link, Little Mac and the Wii Fit Trainers could always be found honing their skills in the Smash Mansion's training rooms. They were considerate and didn't push themselves or others too hard when they trained. However, there was always the possibility of injury, even out of combat.

Mario slung his bag over his arm and looked up to the male incarnation of the Wii Fit Trainer.

"Don't-a be. I was expecting something like this to happen ever since he joined us in Brawl."

"You were expecting this?" asked the male.

The two men exited the Smash Clinic and took to the stairs. On the upper floors were gender-separated bathhouses and fighter accommodations. It was required that all fighters had and maintained their own rooms during the Smash tournament, even if a fighter had a home or lodgings somewhere else. Master Hand explained that it was for security reasons as well as for fighters to interact with each other. Sometimes there would be problems between two residents, but in time the problems would be solved.

"Oh yes! I saw his legs and thought it was an accident waiting to happen." Mario chuckled and smoothed out his coat and scrubs as he walked. "So, let me guess. You and your sister saw Sonic and figured he could do with some leg muscle, yes?"

"Yeah," the male Trainer replied abashedly. "His cardiovascular health is impeccable in spite of those chili dogs he guzzles down, but his muscles are near nonexistent. I can't see him lifting anything heavy."

"Mhmm! That's Sonic for you. He's-a pure speed type of person."

"I figured he would have beefed up quite a bit if he went after it like he did running. When I told him about it he said he was willing and able." The male Trainer scratched his nose. "I wasn't expecting him to break his leg five minutes in, though."

"Sonic was actually willing to lift weights? That's unlike him," Mario replied with narrowed eyes and a thoughtful grunt. "Then again, some smashers have told me they've been having odd dreams and nightmares. Perhaps this is weighing on the mind and interfering with day-to-day activities? Ah, I'll have to sit down with Sonic and ask him what he thinks."

After a few more topics had been tossed around, Mario and the male Trainer reached Sonic's room. The blue emblem of the speedster's head was plastered to the door along with a few paper notices, usually about some kind of party hosted by one of the many princesses around the mansion. Mario bid farewell to the Trainer, seeing as he didn't need him for this house call, and raised his gloved hand to the door. He knocked six times, as fitting for the beginnings of his overworld theme.

"Yoohoo! Sonic! It's-a-me, Mario!"

"Huh? Oh Mario! Come on in buddy; door's open," Sonic said from beyond the door.

Mario saw himself into Sonic's room and took a look around. The blue speedster had a disorganized room with papers and clutter strewn about as if he was still in college. Various trophies and pictures of younger, better days could be seen propped up against the furniture and pinned to the walls. Like Mario, Sonic was a very sentimental person and held onto old knick-knacks. Further in Mario could see the blue hedgehog lying in bed with his leg propped up on a throw pillow.

"You look comfortable. That's a good thing," Mario started.

"You know I'd rather be out running, right?" Sonic retorted. He sighed and rested his hands behind his head. "I guess it takes a broken bone for me to finally relax."

"Mhmm. I know just how you're feeling, but any broken bone will put you back, not just a leg. Once I broke my collarbone when I was a teenager. I tried to keep moving and running about, but it only made the pain worse."

"How'd you break your collarbone?" Sonic asked.

"Cycling accident. Anyway, let's see what I can do to help you." Mario leaned over and examined Sonic's right leg. "Mr. Trainer helped prop this leg up, yes? How did you break your leg anyway?"

Sonic hissed when Mario's fingers rain over the point of fracture. He shook his head and uttered another sigh, this time layered with embarrassment.

"He talked me into doing some weightlifting and I said okay. He wanted me to try squats with weights, and I lost my balance and let a weight fall on my leg. Hey, you ever get this thing in your head when someone runs something by you? That little voice that says, 'yeah, that sounds like fun, go ahead'?" Sonic chuckled despite flinching away from Mario's probing fingers. "Lifting weights just seemed right at the moment. I can't really explain it."

"I see..."

The Italian doctor did a few more checks and touch-ups on Sonic's leg before reaching into his doctor's bag. He pulled out a few rolls of thin stockinettes and cotton padding and set them down nearby. Next, he reached up to untie Sonic's right running shoe and gingerly slipped it off along with his sock. With that out of the way Mario unrolled the stockinettes and began to apply them against the broken leg. The fracture wasn't that bad, so it only warranted a short-leg cast.

"Sonic, have you been having odd dreams recently? Any nightmares?"

"Why do you want to know?" Sonic asked. He looked over at his lower leg and noticed how it was being covered in white stockinettes. "I don't see h-"

"I'm just curious. Maybe there's a connection between odd dreams and odd behavior. I mean, I can't see you lifting weights."

"Yeah, good point doc." Sonic thought for a moment. "Uh... You won't tell anyone if I told you, right?"

"Of course! I'm bound by doctor-patient confidentiality. My lips are sealed," Mario reassured his speedy friend.

"Alright, well, I guess I was a little out of it when the Wii Fit Trainer came around. I've been having these weird dreams about fighting these undead creatures, shooting guns and leaping from rooftops into hay piles. Each dream it's like I'm someone completely different too!"

"And when did this start happening?"

Mario finished up on the stockinettes and moved on to cotton padding. He wrapped it around the hedgehog's fractured leg and made sure it was nice and tight before securing it with a little bit of medical tape. It wasn't a cast just yet, but at least Sonic's leg would begin to heal correctly and be comfortable. Mario heard Sonic's uncomfortable whine as he brought out the fiberglass cast material and dipped it in water only to plaster it against the cast in progress.

"Jeez, that's cold!" Sonic grumbled, but he did what he could to keep his leg still. "I guess these dreams started... About five years ago."

"What?"

"I mean uh, it must have started since the beginning of this year's tournament. I don't remember having any trouble during the Brawl season."

"Odd, very odd, Sonic." Mario rubbed the fiberglass material over the blue speedster's heel and began to work up from there. "A few others have said they've had odd dreams as well. So far it's harmless, other than the loss of sleep and a bit of distraction. I'm sure it's just a passing thing, but if it isn't, I'd recommend a hot drink before bed, like tea."

"Tea? Ugh." Sonic shook his head and stuck out his tongue. "I could never stand that strong stuff. Tails loves it when he's working in the workshop, but me? Nosirebob."

"Not all tea is strong. You should see Princess Peach or Zelda if you're interested." Mario chuckled and looked up at his patient. "But I hear you. I'm not much for tea either. I prefer Starbeans coffee."

At that Sonic chuckled and laid back in his bed. Mario, as a doctor, was a little concerned about the whole dream situation, but he was known to fix problems with the body, not the mind. He wasn't a psychologist. The least he could do was offer odd cultural remedies and his support. Mario smoothed out the rest of the fiberglass material on Sonic's leg and produced some scissors to trim off excess bits. Once he was finished he dusted his hands and placed the remainder of his materials back into his doctor's bag.

"There we go! Now, I want you to stay still for a few minutes while the fiberglass dries out." Mario handed Sonic a piece of paper with a few notes written on it about how to take care of his cast. "I take it this isn't the first time you've had a cast, but just as a reminder, don't push yourself. Rest and relax, bathe with some sort of waterproof protection around the cast, like a plastic bag, and let me know if you experience any pain or swelling."

"Do you know if I could get a crutch?"

"Yes! Thank you for reminding me, as I've forgotten to bring one myself!" Mario slapped his forehead and laughed. "I'll bring one around soon."

"Thanks a lot, doc. I guess sitting down with my feet up isn't so bad," Sonic mused.

"Indeed! In a few days Master Hand is letting us all head to the beach for some well deserved rest and relaxation. You could get a good tan while you're there with the rest of us!" Mario cheered.

Sonic thought that over for a moment before grinning.

"As long as there's a hotdog stand nearby, I'm game!"

* * *

Unbeknownst to the plumber and speedster, there was something afoot. Somewhere in the Smash Mansion there had been a disturbance of peace and quiet, and it went under the radar of all but one of the smashers. Samus, having finished her own training, came out from the woman's locker room with a towel around her shoulders and went to head upstairs when she noticed a cardboard box in the corner of her vision. At first she paid it no mind as it was just an ordinary box of no significance, but she thought about just that and turned on her heel. The ordinary, completely inconspicuous cardboard box had disappeared without a trace.

And Samus, being the gung-ho bounty hunter she was, knew who was to blame. At least, that's what she thought at first...


	6. Daddy Issues

After plenty of perilous adventures and routing evil adversaries, one would expect a hero like Mario to be more vigilant. Link, for example, never got along with Ganondorf and always kept him at sword's length while making sure he and Princess Zelda were never alone together. The blonde swordsman hardly ever looked like he wasn't on pins and needles. Even the Fire Emblem characters looked on edge most of the time if their carrying of weapons at all times was any indication. But Mario was a special case. He was used to beating up his villains and then inviting them over for kart races or friendly sports.

Regardless, our plucky, portly plumber should have been more aware that day. After a full day of fighting and tending to Smash Brothers business Mario checked himself into his own clinic to take care of any scrapes and cuts. He tossed his red cap onto his desk and ran his gloved fingers through his messy hair before reaching for a few hefty bandaids and a small application of antibacterial cream. After fighting the likes of Wario, Villager and Diddy Kong it was good to wash up. Who knew where their hands or tools had been?

Now, I as the narrator cannot lie to you. Mario wanted to treat his wounds, yes, but he had stepped into his clinic in the off hours for another, more important reason. Once he had finished fixing himself up he searched for a key taped under his desk. He took the key and held it up to inspect the gold trim and fancy carving for a moment before sticking it into a locked drawer. With a flick of his wrist he unlocked the suspicious drawer and reached inside, all the while looking over his shoulder. When he found what he was looking for, he smiled wide.

"Ooh ho ho ho! Here we go, come to daddy..."

He pulled out a lump of fudge wrapped in tinfoil and chuckled with rosy cheeks. Everyone had a guilty pleasure. In Mario's case he had a severe sweet tooth and wasn't too keen on sharing his treats with anyone. Greedy, yes, but the mustachioed man figured he had earned the right to hog a little bit of candy and chocolate every now and then. He worked his way through the tinfoil and was just about to rip off a piece of fudge when he heard something shuffle around nearby.

"Hmm? Is someone there?" Mario asked as he turned around.

The Italian was answered with nothing but silence. He waited a few seconds before shrugging and turning back to his fudge. Unlike his brother, he wasn't paranoid. Yet as he went to town on his fudge Mario couldn't help but glance over his shoulder every now and then. He had locked the clinic so he could eat his sweets without interruption. Well, alright, maybe he was paranoid, but only when it came to his sweets.

After a minute of blissful munching, Mario heard the shuffling again and tucked his fudge away. He whirled around and looked up to the ceiling.

"Who is that? I know someone's in here!" Mario called out. He glanced about and looked into any shadowy corners. "Greninja? Are you skulking about in here?"

There were plenty of other suspects Mario could think of, such as Sheik or Wario, but the former was still Princess Zelda and the latter couldn't sneak around to save his life. It had to be Greninja. The newcomer was as curious as a child despite looking calm, stoic and mysterious. Mario continued to look around for the water Pokemon and glanced under beds and furniture. When he couldn't find anything Mario rubbed his chin in thought.

"You've got to be hiding somewhere..." He took one more look around his clinic and noticed one thing out of place. "Aha! There you- Hey wait a minute..."

Huddled up against various medical supplies and crates was a simple, inconspicuous cardboard box. Mario crept over to it and inspected it. He found that while it looked the same as every other cardboard box he had ever seen, this one was upside down and Mario couldn't remember bringing it into the clinic. His list of suspects, however, dwindled down to only one man. The portly plumber reached down to pick up the box and look inside, and when he did, he received an unwelcome surprise.

A gloved fist shot up and collided with the underside of Mario's jaw as a uniformed man sprang out from under the box. The attacker reached for Mario's arms and smacked them away before hurling the poor plumber to the ground in a strange display of martial arts.

"Ooof! W-what's the big idea?!" Mario shouted as he rubbed his jaw. He looked up at his attacker. "What the- Snake?"

Towering over the short Italian was Solid Snake, the stealth operative from Konami's Metal Gear Solid series. He looked different from the last time Mario had seen him in Brawl. Olive and tan fatigues washed away the operative's previously gray sneaking suit while an eyepatch covered his right eye. Snake must have been busy since the last tournament, and there was no doubt that he had changed. He looked more rugged and more driven than the philosophical, womanizing man he once was.

To make matters worse, Snake leveled a pistol and knife at Mario.

"So you must be the one in charge here," Snake growled. "Where are you keeping the Metal Gears?"

"Metal Gears? I don't know what-"

"Don't play dumb. This facility has a special area just for Metal Gears. You call it Shadow Moses." The operative reached down to try and grapple with Mario, but the latter scooted away. Snake followed him and pinned a stubby leg down with his boot. "Your face is on just about everything around here. Unless you're some puppet, I take it you know what's going on. So I'll ask you one more time: Where are the Metal Gears?"

Mario blinked twice and parted his lips in an 'oh' sort of fashion as it dawned on him. Whatever happened to Snake since the last tournament, it must have caused him to suffer from amnesia. Perhaps losing an eye was part of some kind of secret operation gone bad, but there would be time to ask about that later.

"Solid Snake, don't you remember me? It's-a-me, Mar-"

The door to the clinic was kicked down with a sickening crack before Mario could finish. Samus Aran, clad in her Power Suit, stormed in and aimed her arm cannon at Snake. Mario figured that this was all he would get for support, but then another person stormed in along with Samus. Surprisingly, it was another Solid Snake, but he looked like the same character who Mario had fought in the previous tournament. He even had two eyes and a gray sneaking suit, unlike the other Snake.

"No! That is not Solid Snake!" he shouted.

Solid Snake vaulted towards his copy and tried to wrestle his weapon away. As Mario was helped up by Samus, the twin Snakes grappled and tumbled about like two animals fighting for their life. Their skills were equally matched, though the older, more rugged Snake seemed to be superior. After a few seconds of fighting the two broke off from each other and brought their pistols up. They aimed at each other and would have started firing, but they both hesitated.

"Big Boss?"

"_Les Enfants Terribles_..."

The two stood there in shock for a moment before Snake lashed out at the other man.

"What are you doing here? You should be dead. Matter of fact, I oughta kill you again."

"Kill me again? I'd like to see you try to kill me at all," Big Boss muttered. "You're nothing but a puppet of Cipher."

Before Snake or Big Boss could start fighting again, Mario got in-between them both and held up his hands.

"Both of you, please! Don't-a fight in my clinic!"

"Stay out of this, Mario. There's bad blood between him and I," Snake replied.

Samus, who had remained quiet during the whole ordeal, nodded the best that she could from within her bulky suit. She found it a little unsettling that Big Boss didn't give a damn that a woman in a power suit was pointing an arm cannon at him, but she wouldn't admit it.

"I had a feeling someone was sneaking around the mansion lately, so I called Snake over to help me investigate." Samus dropped her arms to her sides and glanced over at Mario. "It's a long story, but I suppose these two have to settle things on their own."

"So I assume my illegitimate clone-spawn is involved in Metal Gears as well?" Big Boss asked rhetorically as he ignored Mario and Samus.

"No you moron. The ones you're thinking of are just fakes. Background props on a- Why the hell am I bothering to explain this to you?"

"Regardless, here we are." The one-eyed legendary soldier hovered his finger over the trigger of his handgun. "If I brought you into this world, I'll be the one to take you out of it!"

"Do you two really have to fight?" Mario asked. "Can't you come to some kind of understanding? I mean, here at the Smash Mansion we're amongst heroes and villains, and they get along despite being at each others' throats in their own universes."

Snake guffawed at Mario's naivety, but he was willing to humor him just this once.

"Just how the hell do you think he and I will be able to come to an understanding? Besides our genetic structure and all the bells and whistles that come with it, we have nothing in common."

"Nothing in common?" Big Boss looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well, if you are my clone, then... Do you... Do you like Calorie Mate?"

"Those little cookie things? Yeah, they're tasty," Snake replied after a long pause. "Do you like little dogs?"

"No. I can't stand them. I like big dogs, like wolves, huskies and Rhodesian Ridgebacks."

"Same. I was a musher for a few years." Snake noticed that Big Boss looked interested and they both lowered their weapons. "Worked with a lot of wolf dogs and huskies."

"Nice." Big Boss scuffed his boot on the floor and rubbed the nape of his neck. "Uhh... What do you think of... Cardboard boxes?"

* * *

It took an hour before the twin Snakes felt comfortable around each other. They argued and bickered a few times while keeping their weapons in hand, but for the most part they got along. Samus made sure that they were both civil while Mario jumped in from time to time to toss in another topic. The plumber didn't understand anything that the two Snakes talked about, but he knew that they were getting along and that was all that mattered. In time the two of them were laughing and swapping combat stories, tales of interesting women and more importantly, they discussed everything about food and weapons.

"Is that an M1911A1?"

"Finest .45 ever made, hands-down." Big Boss gestured to the sidearm Snake was carrying. "What's that?"

"H&amp;K Mark 23 handgun. Uses .45 rounds, comes with laser targeting and sound suppressor." Solid Snake smiled and gestured to his genetic father's handgun. "Doesn't really compare to a relic like that. Hey, want to head to a training room and pop off a few rounds?"

"Absolutely!"

With an uncharacteristic pep in each of their steps the two walked over Mario's destroyed clinic door and disappeared out of sight. The clinic was a mess, but the twin Snakes were too preoccupied with their hobbies to notice. Mario grumbled and rubbed his sore jaw before shaking his head.

"So, that's Snake's genetic father, huh?" Samus mused. She picked up Mario's door and set it against the wall with one hand. "At least I know where he gets his eccentricism."

"Those two are strange, strange men. I'll never understand why Master Hand didn't send an invitation to either of them this tournament, but I suppose that's-a none of my business." Mario sighed and placed his hands on his hips. "Anyway, it's good to see Solid Snake again, if not for a half-a-day or so. Thank you so much, Samus, for keeping the peace."

"It's no problem at all. Well, actually it was a problem. Snake is a hard man to track down and I didn't really get much sleep with this Big Boss character skulking around." The armored woman walked over to Mario and towered over him. She was a bounty hunter by nature, and she was used to getting paid for her services. "But you can make it up to me."

"B-but I didn't ask you for..." Mario sighed and sagged his shoulders in defeat. Samus almost always got her way, and it was probably for the best. "Alright, what do you want?"

The plumber figured Samus had everything she could ever want. She had a gunship, a powerful suit, a tough-girl personality and the moxy to get things done. Even more, Samus was notorious for breaking pre perceived gender roles and loved going to bars and the like to pick up men. A woman like her didn't need anything else, but apparently Mario was wrong about that. He didn't have to wonder what she wanted when he noticed her eyes were fixed on the lump of fudge on his desk.

"Samus, no."

"I haven't had any of the good stuff since I came back here," Samus growled. "Kirby and Ness keep their stashes under lock and key, and Bowser Jr.? I know better than to get on Bowser's bad side outside of a match, especially when it comes to his kid. So that leaves you, doctor."

"But this is Sarasaland fudge! I paid good coin for all of it! Why should I give one to you?"

"Because if you want your stash to remain a secret, you pay off the one woman who knows where you keep it," Samus replied.

Mario sighed and reached into his desk to pull out a larger, more impressive lump of fudge. He handed it off to Samus and couldn't help but feel that he was being blackmailed.

"Thou art a cruel, heartless woman," Mario lamented with a shake of his head.

"Yeah, I guess so," Samus replied with a smile. She pocketed the fudge and ruffled Mario's hair with her free hand. "Cheer up. I'll see if I can't find you some truffles one of these days."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Next chapter the Smashers are hitting the beach. Which beach you ask? Uhh... Smash Beach... Yeah, that sounds right. Anyway the Smashers are hitting the beach and Mario will take a well-deserved rest for that chapter. However, someone's bound to have an accident, and unfortunately it's just not Lucina's day...


	7. Smash Beach

"Is this it? It'd better be it. I don't think I can stand driving this slow for much longer."

Mario made his way down the center aisle of the Smash Bus and stopped next to the driver. He wiped his forehead and gazed out the windows to see an expansive beach littered with umbrellas, palm trees and small commercial stands for tourists. After miles and miles of forests and empty land it was a relief to see something different. All the smashers in the bus dropped what they were doing and looked out to the beach with varying degrees of wonder. They sniffed and breathed in the refreshing scent of saltwater and sand before clamoring amongst themselves in good spirit.

"Yep! This is our own little slice of paradise!" Mario patted the blue-suited driver on the shoulder. "Here we are... Shimmering Sands Smash Beach! Thanks for driving Captain Falcon!"

"Ah don't mention it," replied the F-Zero pilot. He put the bus in park, killed the engine and was the first one out the door. "Woah-ho! This is a pretty nice setup for a beach!"

"Master Hand did say that he was going to tidy up the beach last time we were here, but I wasn't expecting palm trees and all this," Mario gasped as he stepped off the bus. He looked back up at Captain Falcon. "This reminds me of the beaches at Isle Delfino!"

"Yeah... Man, this brings back good memories of Port Town..."

Mario turned back to the bus and looked up at all the faces poking through the open windows.

"Alright everyone! Let's go and have some fun!" As the fighters piled out of the bus, Mario raised his hand and voice. "We've got plenty of hours to relax and do whatever. Let's meet back here at nine o'clock okay?"

Most of the time it fell upon Mario or another smash veteran to organize and police things. Nobody complained about it, not even when it felt that some of the veterans were raining on the newcomers' parade by being a little too strict or demanding. They were simply following orders from the two disembodied hands that ran everything!

Nearly all the smashers had changed into comfortable clothing or swim gear. For most, there were no problems. Shulk looked right at home in his swim trunks while Kirby and Pikachu bounced over the sand with diving goggles. The younger fighters chased after the Duck Hunt duo in their trunks and inner tubes while the more mature amongst the fighters sauntered out and looked for places to lay out in the sun. And then there was Wario in his tight swim trunks, but nobody dared to look at him for too long.

The swordsmen, which included Marth, Ike, Meta Knight and Link, approached Mario and offered to help out with making sure everyone was safe.

"I'd rather not take off my mask, nor do I have the desire to swim," Meta Knight stated. "Perhaps one of us could be a lifeguard of some sort?"

"Oh no, don't-a worry about it my friends. We already have a lifeguard."

Before Marth and Link could ask who the lifeguard was, they noticed a red-haired young man sitting up in a nearby lifeguard tower. With sunglasses and lifeguard garb, it was difficult to figure out who this lordly boy was until he turned and looked right at the two veteran swordsmen. He then grinned, stood up and waved like a long-lost friend.

"Roy!" Marth and Link cried out.

"The wielder of the Burning Blade? Well, I'll be," Ike muttered as he followed the rest of the trio over.

"Looks like all the previous participants are here," Captain Falcon observed as he noticed Pichu and Mewtwo mingling with the rest of the Pokemon. He scratched his nose and smirked before dashing off towards the water. "Perfect time to show off! Surf's up nerds!"

"Wait for me! I must-a get the supplies just in case someone gets-a hurt," Mario shouted after the pilot.

The mustachioed man was prevented from heading back into the bus by a tall blonde-haired woman in practical, yet regal, pink swimsuit. She carried an equally pink parasol in her hand and reached for Mario's shoulder to keep him where she could see him.

"Hmm? Oh Princess! Did you need something?" Mario asked, somewhat confused.

"Now now Mario, I'm sure you can leave the labor to someone else today," Princess Peach replied in a sweet tone. "Today is a day of rest and relaxation, and it would bother me to no end to see you treating it like that one time at Isle Delfino."

"But-a Princess, I'm the chaperon-e and the resident doctor!"

"True, but I'd rather you be my companion for today. I'd love to walk the shoreline and find some colorful shells, and I would much appreciate your company." Peach gestured to the back of the bus where a large group of characters had gathered. "Besides, Bowser Jr. and his siblings offered to help in your stead."

Mario looked over at the group and noticed Bowser looming over all seven koopa kids and his son. The turtle tyrant was busy directing each koopa kid to take a bag and head out to the beach, and from the looks of it he seemed to be enjoying the time spent with his large family. It was a subject that was up for discussion by many of the fighters, this large family of his, but the common consensus was that most of the kids were adopted. Only Bowser Jr. was biologically related to his father, which begged the question as to who was the terrible queen of the koopas. But that was a story for another time.

Bowser Jr. caught Peach looking at the group and waved.

"Hiya pretty lady! Don't worry about a thing! We're professionals!" The littlest koopa kid then noticed Mario and shot him a rude gesture. "Whataya lookin' at knobnose?"

"Knobnose? Pfft, that's a pretty good one," snorted Bowser. He shoed Mario away with a wave of his clawed hand. "Aw go on. Git. The kids and I got th- Iggy! Get your head out of that bucket!"

"And as for playing doctor, I don't imagine anyone is going to get hurt out here," Peach surmised.

The monarch of the Mushroom Kingdom turned on her heel and went right for the sandy shores without another word. She glanced over her shoulder at Mario and smiled, expecting him to follow. Despite feeling that he had to stick around with all the others in case something went wrong, Mario couldn't help but follow after Peach like a lovesick puppy. He waddled up to her side and smiled right back at her with rosy cheeks. On such a beautiful day like this, the odds of something going wrong was one in a million!

* * *

While Mario went off with his beloved Princess, the rest of the smashers busied themselves with custom activities and lounging. There was a cabana bar set up on the beach that served non-alcoholic beverages and food free of charge to those participating in the tournament. Though a few smashers were disappointed they couldn't get buzzed on public property, they appreciated the refreshments. Many grabbed what they could and ran off with their friends to take up space on the beach.

The smell of strong coffee flew on the gentle beach wind current and brought over a few curious smashers.

"Coffee? On the beach and in the afternoon?" observed Pit. He glanced over at a few other fighters and raised his arms in disbelief. "What gives?"

"This isn't just any coffee," Uno the Villager replied before taking a great big whiff. "Ahh... That's some high class specialty Roost blend right there! And look! There's Brewster!"

Speak of the devil, there was the reserved-looking pigeon manning the cabana bar. He was dressed professionally and wore a set of spectacles atop his tiny beak. Upon hearing Uno, Brewster glanced over and nodded in greeting before getting back to cleaning coffee cups.

"I don't see the appeal in drinking coffee at this time of day," Pit mumbled.

"You've obviously never had a Brewster-blended coffee before," scoffed Falco Lombardi as he muscled his way over to the pigeon. He whistled and offered a wing to his avian comrade. "Brewster, my man! How's it hanging?"

The pigeon merely stared at Falco's exuberant greeting before muttering a salutation of his own. Falco, though embarrassed that Brewster ignored his hand/wing, shrugged it off and looked over at Pit.

"This guy serves the best coffee around. He also offers a great selection of hot drinks like tea and hot chocolate." Falco folded his arms and laughed. "Which is great for a fella like me. I hate the cold, chilly stuff."

"Hot drinks? Falco, I'd like to stay away from scorching hot things, at least for a while longer!" Pit exclaimed as he unfolded his angelic wings. They were still covered in bandages from a past burn, but they looked to be getting better. "Can't Brewster serve iced coffee?"

"Iced coffee?" Brewster snapped up and shook his head. "Unacceptable. My coffee is and always will be served as it is meant to be enjoyed, and that is at a crisp 176 degrees."

"Oh boy, you flipped his trigger now kid," Falco said as he edged away from the group. "Well, it was nice know-"

The ace pilot was cut off when a large pink puffball dashed into the bar area and leapt onto the counter. In pursuit of the Popstar Guardian was Yoshi, Little Mac and Diddy Kong who all shouted various threats and unintelligible expletives. It seemed that Kirby had bitten off more than he could chew when he decided to eat all of Yoshi's watermelons, all of Little Mac's protein shakes and all of Diddy's bananas. To make matters worse, as Kirby dashed across the counter he tripped over Brewster's coffee contraption and spilled its contents to the floor.

To say the calm and collected pigeon was upset was an understatement.

"Five thousand bells to whoever brings that creature back to me alive!" Brewster tweeted.

Falco and the Villager looked at each other for a brief moment before zooming off to join the others in chasing down Kirby. Pit threw his hands up and shook his head as he watched them go.

"We're not even thirty minutes into this little vacation and already things are going crazy!"

* * *

Speaking of the absurd, there was quite a commotion going on by the shoreline a few hours later. Ness, Lucas, Toon Link and the Ice Climbers, ever so childish and carefree, had their fill of swimming for the time being and decided to do something creative. With Toon Link's tools and Ness' vision, the five went to work on building a sand castle the likes of which no-one had ever seen before. The good news was that they were fiercely dedicated to their work. The bad news was that they chose to do their building within earshot of Ganondorf, who up until then was content reading by his lonesome.

"We should build a moat. Moats are cool, plus it'll help when the tide comes in," Toon Link suggested.

"Hey, good idea!" Ness turned to his buddy Lucas who was piling up fresh sand. "How're those towers coming?"

"It's uh... It's a work in progress..."

"Nana, do you have any ideas?" Popo asked as he carved out a few trenches. "You've been kinda quiet so far."

The heart of the Ice Climber duo looked up and smiled.

"Oh! No, I was just thinking that you boys could do with some decorations!" Nana picked up a few shells and placed them on and around the sand castle. "Castle walls and fortifications are all well and good, but it has to look inviting as well!"

"B-but aren't castles supposed to look intimidating?" Lucas asked. He looked at the rest of the group for support. "Right? Don't we not want people coming in?"

"Aye, but what if you want to attract the good guy mercenary types? A couple colorful rocks wouldn't hurt. Ooh, how about this bit of seaweed for banners? It'll look lov-"

"Din's fire, will you brats keep it down?" Ganondorf hollered from his chair. He looked mighty comfortable with his reading glasses, a book and a bottle of spring water. "How can I read if all I hear is- Oh sod it."

The powerful and cranky Gerudo rose from his chair and advanced upon the children. He was about to raise his foot and smash it into the sand castle beneath him, but when he stopped to examine it he stopped right in his tracks. His nostrils flared and he leaned over to scrutinize one particular tower built by Lucas.

"You call this a guard tower, boy? It looks more like a shack with a pointed, jagged roof," Ganondorf growled.

"Oh, and I suppose you could do better?" Toon Link retorted.

"Without a doubt. A king knows his castles, and he knows how to build them effectively." Ganondorf looked his cartoon nemesis dead in the eye and said, "Also, I was known by all Gerudo for my sand castle building skills."

"What?"

"Move over. This kind of work is best left to professionals; not children," the dark lord ordered as he brushed Ness and Lucas aside.

Toon Link stood up and was about to reach for his boomerang when a large shadow fell over him. There wielding a giant hammer and wearing a regal set of clothes was King Dedede, one of the many villains of the Kirby series. The large penguin looked down at the children before noticing Ganondorf playing in the sand.

"Whataya doin' Ganondorf?" Dedede asked.

"I'm building a sand castle. These children are too inept to do it correctly, so rather than see them botch this, I figured they could do with seeing a professional do it."

King Dedede rubbed his chin and thought for a moment.

"Ah... Okay. Say, you want any help? I've built my fair share of castles too!"

"As long as you don't get in my way, you can assist me," Ganondorf replied.

"Oh boy, this'll be great!" The portly king of Dreamland jabbed his hammer into the sand and plopped down on his rear end. He brushed Toon Link aside and grabbed a handful of sand. "Move it kiddo. It's grown-up time."

"What the- Hey! This was our project!" Popo exclaimed. He stood up with the rest of the children and glared at the two villains. "You can't just-"

"What's with all the noise?"

As if things couldn't get any worse for the kids, the leader of Star Wolf, Wolf O'Donnell, came sauntering by. With an eyepatch over his weak eye and sporting nothing more than a pair of swim trunks, the old mercenary should have been enjoying himself in the water. He put his claws on his hips and loomed over the scene of two older villains playing in the sand like children. The children expected Wolf to be mature about this situation, but to their chagrin he sat down across from Ganondorf and Dedede and got right to building the sandcastle with them.

"And what makes you think you are qualified to build with us?" Ganondorf growled.

"Oh put a sock in it. This reminds me of when I was a pup on Corneria." Wolf shot a smirk in Ganondorf's direction. "Also I have an engineering degree."

"Fair enough."

The five child smashers shook their heads in disbelief and decided it would be better to leave the three villains alone with their stolen castle. It was quite entertaining to see them building a sand castle in plain daylight, and in the open. Eventually the children would find something better to do with their time and, after poking around on the beach a little longer, they would find a few interesting fossils for their collections. As for the villains, their sand castle would be magnificent, which was a shame because before anyone could take a picture of it, the tide came in and washed it all away.

And knowing Ganondorf, he bellowed and smashed the sunken, sandy ruins down after.

* * *

"This is one strange ship! It's so sleek and angular, it's unlike anything I've ever seen before..."

"Enjoy it princess. It's not every day you get to ride on something this comfortable."

Lucina was in awe. She had seen plenty of ships in and around Ylisse, but never had she seen something like the large white yacht that Samus Aran brought with her. It was in the evening when the bounty hunter started to offer rides on the yacht, and Lucina was the first one on. She was as giddy as a child upon seeing a new animal when the boat carved through the waves and courted the shoreline. It was simply impressive in all meanings of the word.

The Ylissean princess looked around the interior of the yacht and noticed a few interesting trinkets and relics placed about.

"Look at all these things," Lucina whispered. She looked over an ancient staff placed behind glass and marveled at its level of detail. "These all must be from ancient civilizations, old ruins and far-off universes..."

"Hey, you can look but you can't touch," Samus chided as she looked back from her spot at the helm.

"Oh, sorry. It's hard to not get close to some of these trinkets, or any of these contraptions on your yacht Ms. Aran."

"Please, call me Samus. Ms. Aran sounds horrible," Samus muttered. She shook her head and returned her attention to steering the boat. "And this isn't my boat. It belongs to a good friend of mine."

"Property of L. Croft," Lucina read aloud from a plaque placed on the wall of the yacht. "Hmm, they must be a legend themselves!"

Samus only mumbled in reply. After spending a few more minutes inside the yacht Lucina decided to head out to the back deck where a few seats were set up. The female Wii Fit Trainer was there along with Princess Zelda and Sonic. The two women were having a good time swapping stories and gossipping while Sonic, still with his leg in a cast, interjected with a joke or a story of his own from time to time. Seeing as the Trainer and Zelda were more engrossed in conversation than Sonic, Lucina chose to sit down next to the injured speedster.

With the setting sun in the distance and the wonderful smell of salt water at her back, Lucina felt as relaxed as she had ever been.

"Enjoying yourself princess?"

"Absolutely," Lucina replied as she looked away from the gentle waves coming from the back. She stared at the cast on Sonic's leg. "How about you? Is everything alright on your end?"

"Things could be better. I could be kicking up sand or racing Captain Falcon across the water, but this is fine too." Sonic yawned and placed his arms behind his head. "Plus, with this broken leg, I'm getting a great tan and I'm catching up on my sleep. That, and all the chili dogs I can eat."

"It's good to see you're staying positive in spite of your injury. I wouldn't know how to handle all the free time on my hands if I had a broken limb." Lucina chuckled. "Perhaps I would take up one of my mother's hobbies."

"Your mother?" Sonic rubbed his chin in thought. "You know, a lot of us are wondering who your mother actually is. That blue-haired guy in silver, Chrom, is your father, we know that, but not your mother."

Lucina smiled and opened her mouth to answer him, but when she dropped the name of her mother a jet ski came barreling past and drowned it out with its rumbling engine.

"Oh, really? That makes sense," Sonic replied.

"Indeed. I wish she was here, but the least I can do is send her letters when I get the chance," Lucina said. She looked out to the water beyond and stood up to lean on the railing. "I'm happy that there are fighters from my universe here, especially two Robins and the Hero-King himself!"

"You do realize that Marth's not as refined or princely as the stories make him out to be, right?" Sonic questioned with a raise of an eyebrow. When Lucina turned to shoot him a questioning glance, Sonic continued. "A couple weeks ago he tried cutting a bullet in half and almost got two holes in him for it. He's always doing crazy stuff when no-one's looking; the man's more a daredevil than a king. You know, during the last tournament he was known for getting right up in your face with explosives, even if it meant getting caught in the blast himself!"

"That sounds... Terribly reckless," Lucina muttered as she rubbed the nape of her neck. "But I imagine a new universe means new tactics. In matches we can keep fighting even when we get hit by devastating blows, so I wouldn't doubt the Hero-King's quick-thinking with explosives."

"It ain't quick-thinking, princess. It's a whacko maneuver." Sonic laughed and shook his head. "But everyone's done that at some point. It's just that Marth did it more than any of us combined!"

Lucina laughed with the cobalt speedster and continued to converse with him until the unexpected happened.

A yellow speedboat happened along from the far end of the beach and barreled towards the yacht at high speeds. The pilot of the ship, Wario, wasn't paying any attention to where he was going at the time. After eating plenty of cloves of garlic and slapping on a helmet too big for him to see properly in, Wario had the urge to go as fast as the boat could allow. He growled and fumbled with his helmet and goggles so he could look over the steering wheel, and when he did, he noticed he was on a collision course with Samus' yacht.

The bounty hunter was aware of this and kicked the engine into high gear to try and escape. Thinking quickly, Wario cut the boat hard to the side and narrowly avoided hitting the back end of the yacht as it pulled away. However, the waves generated by his reckless maneuver bounced the yacht and sent its passengers reeling. Many hit the deck and the floor, but it was Lucina who received the worst of it. The princess of Ylisse tumbled over the side of the boat and fell into the water before anyone knew what had happened.

This wouldn't have been such a problem if it hadn't been for one crucial thing.

"Help! I can't... can't swim!"

* * *

"This is a pretty fast machine!"

"Pretty fast? If you like fast Luigi, this can go to subsonic speeds in an instant! I wouldn't recommend it though, not when you have to deal with all those waves!" The mechanic of the Star Fox team, Slippy Toad, readjusted his seat on his custom-built jet ski and croaked. "Actually, I'm beginning to wonder why I made this go so fast if it's only going to be for recreational use..."

Luigi looked over the toad's shoulder from the back of the jet ski and laughed.

"Maybe you could put-a wings on it?"

"Wings? But then I'd be creating another arwing, and I've done more than-" Slippy paused for a moment and then snapped his fingers. "Wait! That's brilliant! A sea-to-air vehicle! That'll be perfect for rescues at sea! Luigi you're a genius!"

"Uh, okay, whatever you say," Luigi mumbled as he blushed from the praise.

Though most of the people at Smash Beach were participating in the tournament or had participated in previous ones, Slippy Toad was granted an exception. He was one of the many engineers Master Hand had commissioned to supply Super Smash Brothers with cutting-edge equipment and technology. Plus, being the childhood friend of Fox McCloud had its benefits. He tagged along with his buddy whenever he was wanted around and helped invent plenty of interesting things for all the smashers to use against each other.

So far his most recent invention was the jet ski he and Luigi were riding, and it was quite entertaining!

"Oh boy! I oughta design a few trick ramps here sometime."

"Hmm... Maybe Mario and I could get the group together for jet ski races when you do," Luigi thought aloud. He looked over the water and whistled when he noticed Wario's boat narrowly missing Samus' yacht. "Mama-mia! Maybe we oughta not invite Wario over if he drives like that!"

"Sheesh, he's in a big hurry for some reason!" Slippy shrugged his shoulders and let his jet ski drift in the water. "As long as I get to race with you guys, I'll put together as many ramps as you'd like! Maybe Falco and Fox would like to-"

"Help! I can't... can't swim!"

The amphibian mechanic and lean man in green fell silent and whipped their heads around to try and figure out where the cry for help came from. For a moment there wasn't much sound other than the gentle rumbling of the jet ski, but then Luigi heard a few frantic gasps and attempts at getting air from nearby. There was Lucina nearly submerged in the wake of two boats and desperately trying to stay afloat. She kicked her legs and waved her arms, but no matter what the princess did she kept sinking lower and lower into the water.

"Man overboard!" cried Sonic as he went to stand up on his bad leg. He reached for a life ring attached to the deck of the yacht and tried to throw it towards Lucina, but it fell too short for her to grab. "Son of a-!"

"Uh-oh! Someone's drowning over there!" Luigi bit his fingernails and looked on as Lucina fought a losing battle against the wake. He shook his head and pointed right at the drowning princess. "Slippy! We gotta go help her!"

"Y-you mean we're going to be the rescuers this time? Alright, I'm on it!" Slippy replied with some determination.

Luigi held on tight as Slippy put a spark into the engine and surged forward. The jet ski sped towards Lucina and stopped right next to her for her to grab on, but the princess was too terrified and distressed to coordinate herself. She sank beneath the surface of the water before anyone could grab her hand and haul her up. Luckily, Luigi was there to dive in after her. The little Italian man swam down towards Lucina, grasped her under the arms and kicked as hard as he could until both of them were above the surface of the water again.

Only one deep gasp from the two meant that Lucina had gone unconscious while underwater. She, in her desperation to get air into her lungs, instead took in water. Luigi took notice of this and felt like panicking, but he somehow managed to keep his cool.

"I got you buddy!" Slippy cried as he swerved the jet ski around and reached for Luigi's hand.

"Get us to the beach!" Luigi shouted. With Slippy's help he pulled himself out of the water and placed Lucina on the back of the watercraft. "K-keep it together Luigi, keep it together!"

The Ylissean princess never stirred or made a sound during the time it took to get back to the shoreline. Slippy pulled the jet ski right up onto the beach and Luigi jumped off with Lucina in his arms. Mind you, Luigi was a little man and Lucina was much taller than he was, so it was quite the sight. All of the nearby smashers got up from their seats and flocked towards the scene while Roy, having seen all of the action from his lifeguard tower, rushed over to help. He took Lucina from Luigi's arms and set her down on a towel on her back.

"A drowning?" Roy checked the princess over and went to hold her wrist. He fumbled over her for a moment before shaking his head. "She's still with us, b-but..."

"But what?" Luigi asked.

"I don't know how to revive someone who drowned!" the red-haired man replied.

It shouldn't have come off as such a surprise. Where Roy was from, friends and soldiers usually suffered from combat wounds and magical illnesses rather than drownings or other simple accidents. On top of that, a healer was present to take care of those who fell in battle. Roy, like many of the Fire Emblem characters, must have focused more on routing threats and protecting allies than healing friends. Luigi ran his hands through his hair in despair.

"Where's Mario? Anyone seen Dr. Mario?"

"I thought I saw him with his princess to the west an hour ago."

"Is that Lucina? Gods no!"

As if things couldn't get any worse, the panic shown by Roy and Luigi set off a chain reaction in all the onlookers. Even Meta Knight, the ever calm and collected warrior, looked distressed. If nobody acted, Lucina would soon slip away. It was in that moment that heroes were born, and for Luigi, it was time for him to once again take center stage and show just how brave he was. Though he wasn't a certified doctor, he remembered a few things his older brother taught him and realized he could use one of those things right now.

The plucky Italian man whistled to quiet everyone down and looked over at Roy.

"Wait! I know CPR! Roy, I need-a you to find Mario, and fast!"

"I'm on my way!" Roy exclaimed. He got up and dashed away with Meta Knight and Shulk following right behind him. "We'll be right back!"

"CPR huh? Do you need any help?" asked another fighter.

"No no, I-a got this," Luigi replied. He looked back to Lucina and mumbled under his breath, "I hope..."

After ordering everyone else to take a few steps back and to remain quiet, Luigi gathered up his courage and went to work. First he needed to restore blood circulation, and to do that he needed to kickstart Lucina's heart back to normal. He kneeled down beside her, placed his hand on the center of Lucina's chest and supported it with his other hand. He felt as if he was doing things out of order, as maybe he should have checked to see if she was breathing beforehand, but her being unconscious forced his hand. Luigi began to pump his upper body up and down as he compressed Lucina's chest.

The crowd remained silent as Luigi kept compressing for some time. After about thirty to forty compressions Luigi turned his attention to Lucina's airways. He tilted the princess' head back and used his other hand to lift her chin forward, thus opening the airway. Her blue locks of wet hair clung to her face while her eyes remained closed. Many of the smashers, Chrom included, looked on breathlessly and hoped that everything would be alright. Luigi put his ear close to Lucina's mouth and listened for any sounds of breathing.

Luigi's eyebrows scrunched up in scrutiny for a moment before he pinched Lucina's nostrils shut and covered her mouth with his. Chrom widened his eyes and was about to stop the man when both Robins held him back and calmed him down. The little green man knew what he was doing. He breathed into Lucina once, checked her chest to see if it rose, and when it did, he gave another breath. He seemed invigorated by seeing some sign of life and tilted Lucina's head to the side before giving her another set of chest compressions.

Halfway through the set Lucina choked and spat up the water in her system. She coughed, gagged and gasped all the way through her ordeal as Luigi turned her on her side and patted her back to help her out. When she opened her eyes and whimpered, everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief.

Chrom rushed to her side and, after getting the okay from Luigi, propped his daughter up on his knee and held her close.

"Lucina! My daughter, I'm here." He brushed a few unruly strands of hair away from her face and beamed when she wrinkled her nose. "You had us all worried! No no no, don't push yourself. Just rest, alright?"

"F-Father?" Lucina coughed and huddled close to Chrom while someone placed a blanket over her. She looked around at all the people gathered. "What the- What is the meaning of this?"

"You almost drowned," stated the female Robin. The male incarnation chuckled and added, "Yeah, but thanks to the efforts of two brave souls you're still with us."

Luigi blushed and lingered nearby while Slippy looked bashful. The toad waved away any praise before it could come his way and instead directed it towards the man who did most of the work.

"I'm uh... I'm happy to see that-a you are okay princess," Luigi stammered.

"You saved her, Luigi. You have my thanks, and I am in your debt," Chrom replied with a bow of his head.

"Eh? Oh no! No no no, d-don't thank me. I just did what anyone else would have done!"

"Right, because Ganondorf would help," quipped Toon Link.

The cartoonish adventurer got a snarl from the dark lord for his audacity.

"And besides, there's-a no need to repay a debt. Really, it's nothing," Luigi continued with a dismissive wave of his hands and a bashful expression.

Chrom figured that was it and nodded, still ever grateful for Luigi's help. As he and the two Robins went to tend to Lucina, the princess stared blankly at Luigi before giving him a sweet smile.

"Thank you, Luigi. Your voice... It's familiar to me..." When Luigi looked confused, Lucina continued in a soft whisper, "Paar... thur... nax..."

"Huh? What did you say?"

Lucina did not answer the man in green. Instead the toils of the day coupled with the experience of drowning had taken its toll on her and made her weary. She closed her eyes and fell against her father's arms, soon falling asleep. Chrom and the others checked on her once again to make sure she was alright before picking her up and carting her away to someplace more comfortable. Though confused by Lucina's strange words, Luigi was brought out of his thoughts by the feeling of hands clapping his back and words of praise being showered upon him.

After a few more minutes of good cheer and praise, Roy and company came back with Mario and Princess Peach in tow. The portly plumber was decked out in his doctor's attire and was ready to tend to Lucina. To his amazement his patient was in another castl- I mean location, and she was doing just fine.

"Where's Lucina?" Mario asked as he looked around.

"She's with her father by the cabana bar," answered Dark Pit. The agitated angel folded his arms and glared at Mario. "She's doing just fine, no thanks to you."

"I'm-a sorry. I should have been around in case something like this-a happened."

"Don't worry bro, I took care of it. She's fine," Luigi assured. He raised an eyebrow and placed his hands on his hips. "But uh... Where exactly where you? You were gone a long, long time."

Mario rubbed the nape of his neck and remained silent for some time as he tried to come up with an answer. It was then that Luigi noticed what looked to be a hickey on his brother's neck. That coupled with the timely arrival of Princess Peach, who sauntered over to the group with a cheery smile as if nothing had happened, helped piece the puzzle together for Luigi. The man in green raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth in a knowing gesture while Dark Pit snapped his fingers and grinned like a lecherous young man.

"Well, aren't you something? I guess I'll let this slide," Dark Pit chuckled. He turned on his heel and waved. "See you later casanova!"

"W-wait a minute, this isn't what it looks like," Mario whimpered.

"Uh-huh. Sure. Whatever you say bro," Luigi replied with a sly smile.


	8. A Grand Mystery

With the little vacation at Smash Beach over and the optional stadium tournaments finished with many of the fighters returned to the mansion in good spirits. Lucina's near-drowning had frightened them, but thanks to Luigi's efforts all was well and good again. The princess of Ylisse was delighted, Chrom was delighted, and so too was Mario when he heard all about what his brother had done. The members of Star Fox and even some of the fighters were especially pleased to hear that Slippy Toad himself helped out. For a few days after the fighters' return, the mansion was singing their praises and easing themselves back into the swing of things once again.

Roy was warmly welcomed back into the Smash Mansion like an old long-lost friend and became the subject of both Robins' and Lucina's curiosity. Other returning fighters, such as Mewtwo and Lucas, were also acknowledged despite being at the mansion long before Roy's arrival. The residents just needed a reason to celebrate, and Roy fit the bill. But the simple celebration soon turned to a grand party when a new face entered the mansion, and he was no base fighter. Just about everyone- Megaman more than anyone else- was ecstatic to have Ryu of the Street Fighter franchise join the brawl!

Most fights were canceled for the day to allow the smashers to introduce themselves to Ryu and to catch up with the returning fighters. While the muscled Asian man in the white gi wasn't very talkative or interesting unless the topic was on fighting or food, Ryu was polite and respectful enough to earn him plenty of potential sparring partners. He was humble where it counted and showed a profound interest in everybody's method of fighting no matter if it was based on someone else's or was as absurd as Wario's. Ryu also had the opportunity to watch a few exhibition matches between veterans and was even able to partake in a few of them as a warm-up.

In time Ryu became the new hot topic for many of the female smashers, though little did they know that the innocent Asian man would soon become a catalyst in something more extreme than gossip.

"I heard that he's only worn two outfits since his debut," chirped the pink-dressed Princess Peach. She nurtured her tea and looked to the other women around the cafeteria table. "I wonder if he ever washes his gi… When I was near him I swore I smelled decades-old sweat and other unmentionables."

"I'm almost certain that he washes his gi daily, or, if that's not true, he's bound to have multiple gis which he swaps into as needed," supplied Princess Zelda. She went to take a sip of her tea, paused before her lips reached the brim and shot a disturbed look towards nobody in particular. "Though if the latter is true, that would mean he keeps his spare gis in that white duffel bag he carries, and that would mean he's carrying a whole wardrobe full of dirty laundry with him."

"Oh dear! How can someone stand wandering the world with a sack full of sweaty clothes rubbing against their back?"

"Personally, I haven't noticed any smell," Samus muttered. She shook her head and wrinkled her nose at the two princesses. "You two are overreacting."

Zelda, in all her infinite wisdom, begged to differ. A wandering warrior such as Ryu couldn't possibly come across a laundromat or a stream of water every hour in his travels, she argued. As if needing support from another supposed royal figure, she turned to Rosalina.

"Rosalina, you were his partner yesterday, correct? Haven't you noticed the smell?"

The guardian of the cosmos was elsewhere, her gaze fixed to the table in front of her as if in deep thought. Her lithe fingers cupped her chin while a cup of tea, now cold from neglect, sat next to her elbow. When called out to by Zelda, Rosalina snapped to attention and looked over at the Hylian royal.

"Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."

"Well that's odd. You're usually so engrossed in our conversations that not even your Lumas can drag you away," Zelda remarked.

The female Robin, ever the observant one, jabbed a finger in Rosalina's direction and smiled like an imp about to do wrong.

"I know that look. That's a heavy-thinker's look, and knowing you, I bet I can guess." Robin clasped her hands together and swooned. "You've finally got yourself a crush, and not just on any man here. Mhmm! You're thinking of that Ganondorf fellow, aren't you?"

Princess Peach and Zelda each either choked on their tea or coughed up what they drank upon the table in surprise. The other girls weren't too surprised, not even Nana or Hoa the female villager. To their disappointment- and to the two princesses' relief- Rosalina shook her head and waved her hand dismissively.

"Ohohoho… Though I will admit that I harbor more than the usual amount of interest when it comes to the Gerudo King, it is not the case now. I was just thinking about an anomaly I found last night." Seeing the questioning looks of her friends around her, Rosalina began to elaborate. "Around midnight I looked to the stars and noticed what looked to be a slow swirling mass of matter. Perhaps it is the creation of a new galaxy, or perhaps a dying star closing in on itself. Whatever the case, I'll be on the roof tonight observing it and the surrounding celestial bodies."

Only fitting for the guardian of the cosmos to love astronomy, seeing as she was surrounded by space whenever she wasn't fighting, partying or participating in sports with the Mario gang. For some fighters they found her tale interesting- riveting, even- while others rolled their eyes and brushed it off as an activity more boring than watching paint dry. To Rosalina's credit, the Wii Fit Trainer was interested enough to ask if she could do some late night yoga on the roof as long as it didn't interfere with the blonde astronomer. Before Rosalina could reply, Palutena butted into the conversation at the right time and guffawed.

"Celestial bodies? Heh! You're missing out, Rosalina. I, on the other hand, will be right here observing physical bodies." The green-haired goddess' statement was met with an almost unanimous groaning. "What? Ryu is awesome! It's not his fault that he's so incredibly interesting."

"With all due respect Palutena," Robin piped up, "you're only interested in Ryu because he comes from the same company as Megaman, and if I recall, you wouldn't stop following Megaman because of it. By Naga, you stalked that poor blue robot-boy like Tharja does my alter ego."

"Okay that's a fair point, but look, can you blame me? Megaman and Ryu are like… Mario, Sonic and Pacman around here," Palutena explained. "They're legends to people like me and Pit, like Marth or Ike is to Robin and Lucina."

"And legends can either be forgotten or cherished," Zelda mused. She tapped her chin and smiled. "Well, at least we're assured that these few fighters won't be forgotten anytime soon. It's good that you've taken an interest in mortal affairs as well as their celebrities, Lady Palutena."

"Yeah, yeah. Just don't go stealing any of Ryu's possessions. That'd be like stealing from a hobo. Granted, a magical traveling hobo, but a hobo nonetheless," Robin retorted.

The female smashers would continue to bicker, gossip and chat amongst each other from then on as they usually did, but this day was different. As Palutena tried in vain to defend Ryu and the two Princesses absentmindedly kept bringing up his smell, Samus couldn't help but notice something amiss. Just about every woman at the table had something to say or contribute to the conversation while others, like the Wii Fit Trainer and Samus, had little to say but still paid attention and laughed good-heartedly with the others. The only woman who hadn't even made a peep was Lucina, which was quite strange. Normally the blue-haired woman would have interrupted conversations with her innocent questions, yet she sat isolated and quiet next to Samus.

In an uncommon gesture of compassion Samus leaned over and kept her voice down to not attract the attention of the other girls.

"Hey, what's up?"

"W-what?" Lucina looked up from her hands and blinked twice as if coming out of a trance. "Uh, did you say something?"

"Yeah. I asked you if you were alright. You look a little out of sorts there."

"Oh, no, I'm fine."

Anyone intelligent knew that when someone said that they were fine, it was always the opposite. Samus cocked a brow and prodded Lucina once more.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, yeah. Uh, don't worry about me, I'm fine," Lucina reassured. She looked as if she wanted to curl up into herself and shrink away. "I'm just… I'm just tired, is all it is. I haven't really been sleeping well these past few days. These headaches are-"

"Headaches? Huh… That's odd," Samus noted. She withdrew from her line of questioning as if realizing something herself. "I mean, I guess you have the right to not be one-hundred percent at the moment. It's been like, what, a week since you almost drowned? It's probably a bit of trauma." The bounty hunter offered a small smile and a playful bob of her head. "Nothin' to worry about. It'll pass with time. But if you need someone to vent to, I- Well, you can talk to me, alright Lucy?"

Lucina returned Samus' smile with a soft one of her own, though the princess was still quite conflicted and very much not 'fine'. But Samus could not see through this ruse. She believed what Lucina had to say, and for the most part the princess was telling the truth. Even the bounty hunter had experienced strange headaches and sleepless nights these past few days, though she wouldn't dare confide in just anyone about it. Like any woman worth her moxy, she had no shortage of pride with which to seal her lips.

"So! Now that we're all gathered I think it's time we get to the real discussion, no?" Peach raised her teacup in her delicate hands and gave an innocent smile despite what she said next. "How is everyone faring with all these interesting, attractive characters about, hmm? I'll wager the mansion's got more than it's fair share of budding romances."

"Peach you can't just-"

"Oh but I insist!" Peach interjected as she cut off Zelda. "This talk of burly men and 'tall, dark and handsome' has made me curious. Come now, don't tell me you're all too modest to tell ol' Peachie something juicy!"

As much as it pained a few of the female fighters, whenever Peach was around the discussions were usually steered towards the male fighters and relationships. Master Hand did not object to any budding romances or strong friendship bonds forged during tournaments as long as things remained E for Everyone. Some fighters had no qualms about getting extra friendly with a few of their combatants while others completely abstained from forming deep bonds. Solid Snake in particular wasn't one for taking an interest in other people's lives, and yet he was famous for saying that love could bloom on the battlefield. For Peach, digging up all the juicy dirt on relationships and gossiping about it was as satisfying as winning the tournament itself.

The Wii Fit Trainer raised her hand and sighed.

"I volunteer as tribute," she joked. "Might as well get this over with. I mean, I'm not looking for anything serious and I'm not sure that he sees me the same way… but I've got my eyes on Little Mac."

"Ah, Little Mac hmm? Good choice," Peach cooed.

"Well that's a compliment coming from you," Samus muttered. "You've got good taste in little men."

Peach huffed and hid her blush behind her teacup as the table shared a collective giggle.

"Little Mac isn't that little. He's probably 5'6", or maybe everyone else is really tall?" Wii Fit Trainer rubbed her chin and grinned. "Man's set plenty of goals for his body and aspires to reach them all. Plus he's got a strict training regime; I can respect that. And that Bronx accent of his… Haa! Even my brother's cool with him, and that's saying something!"

"I don't find any of the men, newcomers or veterans, to be suitable for my tastes," Zelda threw out. She stood up and went to pour more tea for herself and Peach. "Yet again, I do enjoy company. If I were to pick someone to converse with, it would either be Meta Knight or Lucario. The Hero of Twilight wouldn't feel the need to offer his blade around those two."

"Ooh! Speaking of Link, don't you have the hots for him, Lucina?" Robin asked.

If Robin knew how much that question caused Lucina no small amount of discomfort, she probably wouldn't have opened her mouth. The Ylissean princess blushed at the implication and shook her head. For the sake of appearances she had to be present during these deplorable conversations while looking as if she wanted to crawl under the table and wither away. To make matters worse, Palutena jumped in and stole Lucina's chance at redeeming herself.

"Hah! Hardly!" the green-haired goddess chirped. "I saw Lucina and Ryu gazing into each other's eyes when that Shotokan Stud first arrived! It was love at first sight!"

"L-Lady Palutena, please," Lucina started. "We didn't-"

"Oh don't try to tell me I'm wrong! I'll tell all of you, they were mesmerized by each other. Wide-eyed, sweaty palms… They hardly spoke but I knew from first glance that they were-"

Lucina was nearly hyperventilating at the attention she was getting. So much, in fact, that she couldn't stand to sit there at the table any longer. Without even trying to be inconspicuous the blue-haired princess shot up from her seat and bumped the table in her efforts. Tea, glasses and various other objects wobbled and toppled over, some with audible crashes and spills that attracted all attention to the princess. Frantic and upset, Lucina knocked over her chair and ran out of the cafeteria with tears in her eyes and a group of confused and concerned smashers in her wake.

The female fighters either tried to call her back or sat there in stunned silence. They didn't know what her problem was. They had no idea that when Ryu first arrived Lucina had tried to greet him as she normally did in her cheery, polite way but fell silent when the fighter gave her a strange look and questioned her. Nobody knew that the Shotokan warrior had remarked that Lucina sounded familiar, that his look was one of understanding as if he had known her for plenty of years and likewise for Lucina. But they had only met just then, so they had stared at each other as if they had each grown a second head. Ryu had departed soon after to meditate while Lucina vanished from the welcoming party in a state of panic.

But Lucina's problems didn't end there. When confronted by her father, whose voice normally calmed and comforted her, Lucina retreated into her room as if each and every word from his lips was like a threat against her life. Chrom was stunned at his daughter's behavior because, as far as he knew, he hadn't don't anything wrong but let loose a few kind words. And therein laid the problem, so before the man knew it he fell into an ill stupor, plagued by the same headaches as his daughter. It baffled the good Italian doctor of the Mushroom Kingdom, but there wasn't much that he could do.

As the blue-haired princess ran back to her room she tried to dodge the concerned looks from her fellow fighters, at least until she ran into a face she couldn't bear to disregard.

"Lucina? Woah, wait! What's the matter?" asked the green ghostbuster, Luigi. He had been wandering the mansion's halls when he stumbled upon the distressed woman. "You look like- Oh mama-mia, what's the matter?"

"Oh! Lu-Luigi! It's- No, I'm fine, don't worry about me."

"But you look like-a you've just seen some ghost!" Luigi prodded. "Or is it those headaches and nightmares again?"

"That's really… That's really none of your business, Luigi."

Even though Lucina was distressed and eager to get back to her room, she hissed in shame when she realized what she had just said. Luigi winced at the choice of words and took off his green cap to look down at his feet in embarrassment while Lucina slapped her forehead. There wasn't much call for that, even if she was feeling a strange surge of pain in her temples at that moment.

"I'm sorry. I'm just- I just don't feel very well all of a sudden. I'll admit that these troubles of mine have arisen after th-the incident, and I am not insinuating that it's any fault of yours, Luigi." Lucina came near and leaned over to get eye-level with him. She did her best to give the man a comforting smile as she lifted his chin up so he was looking at her. "You were very brave… And I am in your debt."

"Oh no no!" Luigi started, startled by how close Lucina was to his bulbous nose. He wrung his cap in his two hands and nervously chuckled. "No debt! I w-was just doing what anyone w-would have-"

But to Luigi's great astonishment Lucina cut him off with a quick, chaste kiss upon his nose, as fitting for any princess upon their rescuer. The lean man in green blinked twice and swooned. He felt dizzy on his feet but managed to stay composed just long enough to catch a glimpse of Lucina's smile. For a moment he truly believed her expression and beamed with big, rosy red cheeks.

"Thank you, Luigi… For caring. B-but I would like to be alone now, if you do not mind."

"Alone? Wha- Who- How-" Luigi clung to his cap and, while looking too bashful for words, nodded as he finally understood. "Oh. Okay princess! You just-a let me know if you need anything okay?"

"Of course. Don't worry about me; I'll be just fine… I just need some rest."

Lucina was very appreciative at that moment to know that she at least had Luigi's support. If anything, she trusted the little man as much as she did her father or the Robins. She gave the man a content nod of her head and soon departed down the corridor as she tried to make it back to her room. If rest was what Lucina sought, she would get plenty of it in a rather morbid sense.

Not ten minutes later the blue-haired princess was found collapsed in front of her door, breathing yet unresponsive. The smashers wished that that was the only disturbance for the day, but as time passed more and more fighters began to collapse while others were beset with crippling headaches and strange hallucinations. In time the clinic had an influx of patients while Lucina, Chrom, Sonic, Pit, Princess Peach and even a few assist trophy characters and Pokemon occupied their own cots. For the smashers, it was just another problem in a long line of incidents, though this one was more of a head-scratcher than it was a conflict.

* * *

"Doc. Doc!"

Mario felt hands come down upon him and shake his shoulders until he was brought back to the real world once again. When Lucina was brought into the clinic, Mario prepared himself for a simple problem like sleep deprivation or a high fever, yet once his scrubs were on and his mustache was properly tweezed he had the misfortune of seeing each and every single fighter's nervous, concerned and terrified looks whenever a new patient was brought in. Nearly every bed in his clinic had been filled while the few chairs and seats were occupied with groggy, ill-tempered patients suffering from those strange headaches and the like. All the chaos had taken a lot out of the plucky Italian plumber, but seeing Princess Peach unconscious with a pained look on her face sapped all energy out of him.

If not for the few resilient fighters like Captain Falcon, Samus and Little Mac, Mario figured that he would have checked himself into a bed of his own!

"I'm here, I'm here," Mario mumbled as he brushed the gloved hands away. He tore himself away from his princess and looked at the boxer from the Bronx. "What's-a-goin' on now?"

"Oh, well, nothin'. Nothin' at all. That is if you haven't noticed all the people needin' aspirin over here. We got like a dozen beds and they all full up with comatose fighters," Little Mac growled.

"Woah, come on now, he's just one person," Captain Falcon interjected.

"So? He's still a doctor; he oughta be prepared for this stuff."

"Mac, will you back off and shut up?" Samus growled from nearby. She sat back in a chair, her face contorted in agony as she too was suffering. "All this noise is pissing me off."

The Italian doctor rose to his feet and gave a noncommittal shrug of his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, but I'm just as baffled as anyone else here. I'm a doctor, Little Mac! I treat wounds, infections and injuries. I'm not prepared for things like-a this, these headaches I mean." Mario gestured to the seats lining the walls and the fighters slouched over in agony upon them. "Aspirin doesn't seem to work, and neither does my cure-all megavitamin pill!"

"It tastes like plums!" somebody whined from across the clinic. "I hate plums! Hate 'em hate 'em hate 'em!"

"And besides, these problems with the headaches and people falling unconscious is way outta my league," Mario explained. "You'd need a neurologist or a psychic to figure out what's going on!"

As soon as Mario said that he fell silent and snapped his fingers. Amidst all the chaos and confusion in the room, he had just figured out what to do. The little Italian man brushed past writhing patients and unruly fighters in search of a psychic while leaving others to the helping hands of Luigi and some caretaker Pokemon like Jigglypuff. He went to Rosalina and Robin, who were gifted with their own forms of magic and would have been a good choice but unfortunately none of them had the skills necessary to peer into the minds of their comrades. Mario next selected Ness and Lucas, but the latter was currently trying his hardest to keep Kirby away from the former for it seemed that Ness and Kirby were in great agony just being close to each other.

Mario found that to be strange, but he didn't have the opportunity to investigate any further. Instead he dashed out of the clinic for a few minutes only to return with who he assumed to be the best psychic around, and the only one who didn't seem bothered by headaches or whatnot. Mewtwo glumly followed the near-panicking doctor back into the clinic and folded his pale arms across his chest. Unlike most fighters who jumped at the opportunity to cause trouble or be friendly with others, Mewtwo had no desire to be near any other soul, nor did he show compassion or generosity. But the psychic-type realized that the current incident wouldn't be resolved without his help, so, begrudgingly, he looked down at Mario and offered no resistance.

"Fine. Point me to whoever you need me to look over first."

Palutena waved from Pit's bedside and looked quite flustered because of it.

"H-hey, Mario! Mew! Over here!" The green-haired goddess had managed to secure a relatively isolated bed for her guard captain. She also had Dark Pit in a headlock, much to his great anger and embarrassment. "I figured it all out!"

Mario and Mewtwo went over- the latter huffing because the goddess couldn't remember his name- and stood by Pit's bedside.

"Lady Palutena? What's-a-the-matter? What did you figure out?"

"Gggack! D-don't listen to her!" Dark Pit growled from his constrained position. "She's crazy! Crazier than usual!"

"Quiet you! I know you're to blame for this!" Palutena shot back. She tightened her hold on her captain's doppelganger and barred her teeth. "Where'd you find all these Chaos Kin, eh? Eh?!"

"I didn't do anything! By the beard of Zeus, you're more whacko than Medusa!" Dark Pit shot back.

Mario moved over and managed to pry Dark Pit away from Palutena's grasp, though not without getting a kick to his shins for his troubles. Mind you, a kick in high heels hurt for both parties! Whimpering and holding onto one shin, Mario backed away and bumped into a nearby end table which soon toppled over and sent a few objects careening to the floor. Dark Pit, in turn, scrambled away only to trip and fall flat on his face thanks to the resulting debris. Angry, embarrassed and now in pain, the dark doppelganger chose to fold his arms and lie on his side in a disgraced position. The only good thing in his situation was that now Palutena was being held back by Mario.

"Please, calm-a down Lady Palutena," Mario advised through gritted teeth. "We'll get to the bottom of this, so please, no more fighting!"

"It's the Chaos Kin!" Palutena was adamant in her accusations. "Somehow it's duplicated itself and… and it's stealing souls!"

"I'm certain hardly anyone here knows what the devil you're blathering on about, I'll tell you right away that I do not care," Mewtwo hummed, opting to speak telepathically as per usual. "And before you try to 'enlighten' us, let me tell you first of all that I detect no foreign entities within the fighters gathered. Now, if you would be so kind as to be quiet for just a moment; I'll look into this child's mind and discern what is really the matter."

Palutena huffed and folded her arms in the same childish manner that Dark Pit had done, but she obliged the psychic-type's request.

After getting the go-ahead from Mario, Mewtwo leaned over and rested his three-fingered hand upon Pit's noggin. A dark purple aura appeared around the legendary Pokemon while his eyes glowed a menacing violet color. For Mewtwo, reading minds was as familiar to him as the back of his hand. He figured that he would soon find what the problem was with these fighters, but when a few seconds turned into a full minute he dispelled his psychic energies and grumbled. To make things a little worse, the powerful Pokemon reached up to his temples and growled in a mixture of disgust, exasperation and annoyance.

"Inconceivable! This boy's mind should have been child's play for even the most inept of psychics, yet I cannot discern anything!"

"W-wha? What do you mean?" Mario asked. "You got-a-nothing?"

"Incorrect. I am unable to see into this boy's mind, but I have gotten two things out of it. The first, which will irritate me to my deathbed, is that my energies are blocked by something much, much more powerful than I, than any of us, and it comes from nearby." Mewtwo then pointed to his eyes, clenched his fist and then pointed to Mario in a strange yet familiar gesture. "The second was that… peculiar gesture and the phrase 'Eye Have You'. That, and the more than disturbing image of me bestowing cola upon a hairless monkey. I cannot comprehend this at the moment."

Mario raised his eyebrows, not at the absurdity of Mewtwo's second statement but at the familiarity of the first.

"Wait a minute… You were blocked by something powerful? And you say you can trace it to a source nearby?"

"Yes, that is what I-" Mewtwo's eyes widened in realization before narrowing to angry slits. "Are you insinuating what I think you are?"

"I wish I wasn't, but I am," Mario replied.

* * *

Mario wasn't one to advocate manhunts, but given the circumstances and the uproar from the fighters who were clued in, he had no choice. He and the more able-bodied fighters dashed out of the clinic and looked all around the mansion and its grounds for their 'superior' and this universe's creator, Master Hand. For a giant disembodied hand wearing a bright white glove, the fighters figured it would be easy to find him, yet wherever they looked they turned up with nothing. Not even his office, which was at the top of the stairs front and center for all to see, contained the enigmatic creator. The absence of the mastermind behind the Smash Brothers tournaments only confirmed everyone's suspicions that he had something to do with the incident at hand, and suffice to say no-one was happy about it.

Unpleasantly steamed and exhausted from their search, the groups all gathered in the foyer to rant.

"Any luck?"

"No, nada. We checked all around the grounds but there's no trace of him."

"We checked the cellar for Crazy Hand, but he's not around either!"

"Gee, what gives? Those two are bigger than Ganondorf, Bowser and King Dedede combined, and yet we can't find them?"

"Well don't look at us. The Duck Hunt Duo couldn't sniff 'em out, so if they can't find-"

A loud gasp from Toon Link silenced everyone.

"Hey! There they are!" he shouted as he pointed to the grand stairs over yonder. "Look!"

And as the fighters do so, they noticed both Master and Crazy Hand skulking about behind the second floor's banisters. Instead of floating about as they usually did, the two giant hands were slinking about on two fingers each as if they were trying to sneak off somewhere. But, upon becoming the center of attention, the two hands froze at the top of the stairs and 'looked' down upon the fighters gathered. Crazy Hand fidgeted as per usual while Master Hand swayed about as if glancing at each and every angry face before him.

"And just-a where do you two think you're going?" Mario asked in a tone one would reserve for a child caught past curfew.

"Yeah!" cried Dark Pit. "We want some answers here!"

"Ah! W-well, there's really a simple explanation for all of this, I assure you all," Master Hand replied. "You see… Well, uh... "

Before any of the fighters could even hope to gain an explanation, both Master and Crazy Hand flung open the doors to their office and squeezed inside before anyone could holler for them to halt. Enraged, Charizard flew up from behind the group of fighters and gave chase with flames billowing out from his maw and tail, though as soon as he was about to slip inside the office the doors closed right on his snout and stood strong against the resulting crash. The flying fire dragon Pokemon ricocheted away and crumpled to the ground in a dazed heap while the rest of the fighters, around ten of them, clawed their way up the stairs and hammered at the doors. It seemed as if there was no use to it; the doors were locked tight and were as sturdy as adamantium.

A few of the strongest, toughest fighters in the entire roster gathered at the doors and did what they could to break it down. Ike, the Radiant Hero, punched and kicked at the door before bashing the pummel of his greatsword against it, but to no avail. Donkey Kong tried headbutting the door, but that only resulted in a bunch of fighters carting him off to the clinic once the stubborn ape knocked himself out. Wario and King Dedede tried shoulder charging into the doors at the same time, but like all the others they too failed to open it. Link offered to try next and was about to produce either his ball and chain or a few bombs when he was pushed aside by his fated enemy, Ganondorf.

"No you incompetent buffoons, you're approaching this in the worst way possible!" the Gerudo king bellowed. He gestured to the door and clenched his fists. "You can't just surmount this obstacle with brute force alone! What this needs is a skilled, delicate approach."

"Oh!" Mario smacked his forehead. "Right! Lockpicking! Mr. Ganondorf, can you pick locks?"

The Gerudo smiled with pride at the question.

"Of course I can! I am not the Gerudo King of Thieves without merit! Here, I will show you all!"

Though many were somewhat intimidated by the dark lord, everyone was eager to see this door open and thus crowded around Ganondorf as the giant man inspected the keyholes of the doors as well as the ends. Some expected the giant man to work some kind of dark magic over the door, or perhaps to take out a lockpicking set. It would have been quite the sight to see such a powerful, imposing hulk of a man prostrate before the door with tiny instruments in his hands. After he was finished examining the door Ganondorf stood up and, without any warning whatsoever, kicked the door in a very specific place dead-center that resulted in the obstacle flying off its hinges as if there was nothing to it.

For a moment the fighters were stunned, especially Luigi.

"W-woah… Well, uh, hmm… M-Mr. Ganondorf? Is that how most Gerudo pick locks?"

"That is how _I_ open locked doors," Ganondorf replied with a smug look on his face. "Is there any other way past a locked door? No? That's what I thought."

So many fighters wanted to correct Ganondorf, but they let it slide when they realized that they were now able to enter Master Hand's office.

Or, they would have been, if not for the gaping, swirling void that laid beyond the doors now. Instead of cowering behind a comically undersized desk like many figured Master Hand would do, the great creator of the Smash Brothers universe had fled into the folds of said universe. There were plenty of odd objects floating around in the void that the fighters recognized as the stages and environments that they fought within. In particular was the Final Destination stage in which Master Hand typically made an appearance in. Fortunately, it seemed that Master and Crazy Hand would be found there, but to reach Final Destination a fighter would have to- you guessed it- get through a number of preliminary stages unless they wanted to fall through the void unending.

Shulk looked down into the void and noticed a path of floating debris.

"Huh! Would ya look at that! Platformin' at its finest! I bet we can use these to get between stages." The Monado wielder pumped his fists in enthusiasm. "Man, if the situation weren't so dire, this'd be a lot more fun!"

"I take it you want to volunteer?" Ike saddled up beside the blonde and hefted Ragnell up onto his shoulder with a good-hearted chuckle. He looked down into the void as well and sniffed. "Huh… You smell that? That stench in the air?"

"I don't smell anythin'."

"I do. That's the stench of fear!"

Everyone looked to Luigi.

"H-hey! Why is everyone looking at me?"

Everyone looked back to the void.

"Well, what are we waiting for? I'm in the mood for some Smashin'!" Shulk cried. With an almost reckless abandon the blonde-haired boy jumped down into the void and began leaping from floating rock to floating rock. "First one to Green Greens is a rotten egg!"

Ike, hardly one to turn down a challenge or a chance at feeding his hero ego, grinned and leaped into the void as well. Other fighters were tempted to follow after them, but upon looking into the void and seeing all the stages they would have to get through, many 'remembered' that they weren't in the best shape or that they had suddenly gotten a case of the headaches. Bowser and King Dedede were especially noncommitted and turned away with a few other lightweights. Ganondorf was anything but afraid as he stood there in the doorway like a paratrooper in the fuselage of a C-47.

"You cowards can stay," the dark lord barked. He pounded a fist into an open palm and chuckled. "Last tournament I didn't get my chance at betrayal. This will be as personal as it will be entertaining!"

It seemed as if Shulk, Ike and Ganondorf were going to be the three-man-band capable of beating answers out of Master Hand. The other fighters looked on as Ganondorf hobbled after the two spritely swordsmen and were tempted to leave things in their hands when someone remarked that a four-man team was much more efficient, nonetheless a staple of any Smash Brothers fight even if all four would be working together. Mario, in a fit of heroic duty, approached the doors in his doctor's attire with the intention of offering the other three. He would have leaped down and embarked upon an epic quest if not for his brother who, in his own fit of heroism and bravery, held the famous plumber back.

"Hold on bro! Wh-where are ya going?"

"Luigi? Imma gonna lend a hand as always!"

"But what about everyone in the clinic?" Luigi asked. "I mean, I know what you're thinking, bro, but they could use your help more than those three. And don't-a worry!" The lean man in green placed a hand upon his own chest and proclaimed, "I'll go in your place!"

If it were anyone else they would have been very concerned that Luigi was taking their place, but Mario wasn't like anyone else. The plumber playing doctor shook his head with a small smile and yielded to his younger brother.

"Alright-a, I'll do what I can here." Mario patted his brother's shoulder before backing away from the void. "But you gotta come back, _capisce_?"

"W-wait a minute, what are you saying? There's a chance I won't come b-"

Luigi, in his fit of bravado, slipped off the edge of the floor through the door and fell into the void with his usual high-pitched blubbering echoing behind him. But nobody was concerned; the man in green landed face-first on a floating boulder and had to be picked up by the other three who, save for Ganondorf, were pleased to have him along. Mario knew that he'd be fine, so until the group came back from pummeling answers out of Master Hand, he left things in their hands. As for the doctor himself, he rolled his shoulders and rolled up his sleeves as the void closed in on itself until it could only be looked into instead of entered.

It seemed that Doctor Mario had plenty of patients to attend to, and now a mystery to unravel!

* * *

**Author's Note: **Kept ya waiting, huh? Please review, and if you have any guesses as to what you think the reason is behind this incident and these strange 'headaches', feel free to shoot something my way. Here's a hint: it's as convoluted as it is fresh and stupid (IMO, but it works).


End file.
